Hello my long lost blog.

It's been a while. 3 months actually. I have no excuse for how neglectful that I have been. Maybe I can say that I was busy, or maybe I can say that I had writers block, or maybe I can just say, I forgot I had a blog. Yep, I came out and said it, I forgot about this little gem of mine. But I think I can use the excuse that I have been busy and maybe have had a slight case of writers block. But, I'M BACK! And it feels so good! I'm ready to make a commitment to this blog, once a week. I am going to ATTEMPT to post on this little bad boy once a week. I'm not even sure who reads this anymore, I've been so neglectful anyone who did read this probably thinks that I am rude. But I am not, I promise, just forgetful.

So, let's get started. Shall we?

Within this busy semester, I've learned a lot. A lot about this world, a lot about myself, a lot about love and a lot about God. I feel like all my posts before were all about those topics, but I feel like that is my life and that is what you get to read for-ev-er (Sandlot... anybody?). Or until I forget about this blog again. Which I will not let happen.

So, let me fill you in.

This semester has been full of class (Well duhhhhh). A lot of class. I've been trying to apply myself to all of my lower GE classes, but they're just so boring. SO BORING. But, I payed to go here, so I gotta succeed, or else.

Things that I am learning about this world:
It's big and it's beautiful. I drove through California on my way home for thanksgiving and I thought that was big, but that is just a small percentage of this country, which is a small percentage of this world. Needless to say, I am kinda baffled.

Thing's I am learning about myself:
I am a control freak. I love to sleep. I kind of think too much about other peoples opinions. (Even though I say I don't). I get stressed out, and I get migraines. Those hurt.

Thing's I am learning about love:
Love is this complicatedly simple and beautiful four letter world that people seem to always be seeking. One thing that I have learned about love is that it is simple. It is not something that is give or take, or tit for tat (in my dad's words) but it is something that is simple. It takes work, and it takes courage, but love is totally worth it. Love is honestly the best feeling in the world, and being in love, well that trumps all. I am learning that from two people. Jesus Christ and Ben Thompson. Two people that I love more than anything. Jesus gave everything He had, when He did not need to. Jesus gave love for this hurting world, and was always, and is always giving. Give should really be a synonym for love. Give. Seriously. If you're not giving, it's not love. Love is not meant to be self contained. If it is, then it is not love. Simple as that. How do you show someone love if you keep it wrapped up inside? You don't. That is what Jesus has taught me, but Ben, he is teaching me that too. He is teaching me to be selfless. He may not know it, but he is. I am an only child, and don't really like to share. But with Ben, I would share anything. Even my last piece of chocolate during that time of the month. Yep, I went there.  But really. Ben is teaching me to be myself. He's wonderfully critical and completely honest with me 100% of the time which is very helpful. He speaks his mind, good or bad. But mainly good of course...

Things I am learning about God:
God is great. He is sovereign and He is my majesty. Apart from those things, I've also learned that God likes to challenge you. I started this semester on a high. I had an awesome summer, I got to be with my boyfriend after 3 months, I was/ still am involved in an awesome ministry. God, He was everywhere, but through blessings, not struggles. He still is everywhere, (DUH), but now not just through blessings but through struggles too.  All types of struggles that are an uphill battle, daily. I know I say all types, but I kinda mean just a few. I'm not trying to make my life sound horrible, just hectic and stressful, like it is. Oh, something else that I have noticed, is that it's a lot easier to cling to God and seek God when times are tough. But, it's a lot easier to praise God when life is good. CATCH 22? I think so. (What is a catch 22? I don't even know and I am using it in my blog... cool) Anyways,  I think that is God's little way of saying, "I'm always here, no matter what." Which is kind of really awesome to dwell on, and very reassuring. Oh and one more thing that I've really learned this semester: nothing is impossible with God. This is such a simple promise, but such an amazing one! God, the ruler of the universe, He is always with me, and you, and makes everything possible. Everything.

So basically, that is my life. Summed up in one simple, little blog post. But like I said, I'm going to try to be better about this posting thing. I say once a week, but who knows maybe you'll get 3 one week, and none the next, then one then 8 the next. You never know with me, I'm kind of forgetful like that. But ya that's my story. My hectically beautiful wonderful story.

Until next time,
Colbs 

Sometimes

You just need a little perspective. I feel like I just wrote about perspective a couple posts ago, but I feel like it's something that I lose too often. The perspective I've realized recently is how good I've got it.

So, I go to school and live in San Jose California. Sounds like a random place, and let me tell you, it is. I honestly had never heard of here until I applied here in fall of 2009. But then, I took a tour of the school. The school is right in the middle of down town. It's an awesome campus that is sadly under an extreme amount of construction right now, but that's beside the point. Anyways, I was driving around down town the other day running my petty errands that must get run when I really started to notice the city around me. It's not the cleanest but it sure is pretty. It's beautifully chaotic if you will.

If you start in the middle of campus and head east, you will eventually reach my house. I live in what is known as Naglee Park. Naglee is a quaint little neighborhood that is seriously awesome! If you head north or south of campus you will eventually reach more neighborhoods. These neighbor hoods aren't necessarily the cleanest or safest of downtown. And, if you head west you run into big buildings. The random kinds and the important kinds. I've always wondered who works in those buildings, I guess I'll have to adventure one day and see. But, basically what I am saying is San Jose is full of good and bad, nice and not so nice, and fortunate and not so fortunate. I live in a city that is hurting, and thirsty for love, but doesn't realize it. We have had shootings and stabbings this semester off campus and on campus. I take it for granted how good I have it when I'm cooped up in my house all day. I forget that just 3 blocks away someone is cold out on the street. I take it for granted that I live with 7 other girls-7 other friends- while people all over this city are alone. I guess this post is just me rediscovering  how great I have it compared to other people who live in this city. But hey it's a realization that sometimes, I need to keep making. Because although I may be stressed out about homework or what ever my week has in store for me, I need to realize that I don't have it half bad.

Tonight my friends,

I am going to let you into my world. I'm opening up. So It's been a while since I posted, but do not fear, for I have not forgotten about you. I've just been busy. Beyond busy. I'm taking this moment to procrastinate and share with you, my dear reader, how I learned about love. I wrote this for a contest, in which I won't hear back from until after Christmas. The prompt was something like how did you learn how to love, from who? So here goes nothing:

Love

There are very few things in this world that are as complicated as love. In all honesty, I haven’t found anything that is more inexplicable and more exhilarating than the small four-letter word. The word itself takes on so many different meanings and explanations that, although one may try, it is almost impossible to pinpoint the exact meaning. I have found love in numerous places. There is a love that died for me in the form of a savior, which is unending and undeserved. There is a love that is the unconditional form of parenthood, when two people willingly sacrifice all that they have in order to improve their child’s life and circumstances. And there is love that just happens, it creates a lifetime bond of irreplaceable friendship. All of these have many commonalities: including trust, companionship, and compassion. These types of love are all equally beautiful and difficult. Love takes work, but all of these types of love are worth the effort.

One small instance in particular makes me think of love. I had a hangnail. I’m sure I’ve had hundreds of hangnails since I was three, but this one stands out to me immensely. I can’t tell you what finger it was on or why I made such a fuss about not wanting to cut it off, but I assure you that this hangnail taught me something about love.

When I was a child, I spent every weekday with a babysitter while my parents worked. Her name was Veda and she was a woman with a heart worth its weight in gold. I was taken care of at her house until I was old enough to stay home alone after school. And even then I wasn’t a fan of being alone so I would walk across the street and talk with Veda. She was there for my first word, my first stumble, my first high school dance, and many other firsts. She was in many ways my adopted grandma, and in many more ways, my friend. I was three when she taught me the meaning of love. I was an adventurous three years old, constantly getting into trouble. I often adorned skinned up knees and dirt under my nails as a badge of honor, because they were a regular occurrence. After a long day of play, Veda would end the day with a bath before I was sent across the street to my parents. One day, she noticed that I had a hangnail on one of my fingers. Experience now shows that if you tried to peel it off, you would pull off more skin than you expected. I would have been left bleeding and in pain for longer than necessary because I wanted to pull hangnail off. However Veda stopped me before I could get to it. She told me very soothingly that she would cut it off for me. My first thought: “there is no way a pair of clippers going to cut my skin, I am not alright with that.” I began crying and pleading with her not to cut it off. This is what I remember from that moment. Veda got down to my three-year old height, and looked me in the eyes and said, “I would never do anything in the whole world to hurt you. I love you, and only want what is best for you.” Sure, these are simple words that you expect to hear from a family member like your grandmother, but these words came from a friend. She meant every single word of it too.

Those words were simple. She possibly could have said the same thing many times before. But these words solidified the vague concept of love at a young age. I knew the love of my parents at that time, and discovered their love more as I grew older. Still, Veda’s words have stuck with me, “I would never do anything in the whole world to hurt you. I love you, and only want what is best with you”. I was three years old, but I still knew what she meant. I knew instantly that love wasn’t about flowers and candy on Valentines Day. At that moment love made sense. Love is about wanting the best for someone even though it hurts you to see the one you love crying. Love is about wanting the best for someone, even if that means you have to be the bad guy. Love is about faith and tenderness.

Those words she said to me are shown in every illustration of love. The unearned love of a savior who wants nothing but the best for you, a savior that wouldn’t do anything in the whole wide world to hurt you. The unconditional love of parents. Parents who sacrificed their weekends to tournaments and clarinet lessons. Parents who would do anything in the world to better their daughter’s life. The love of a best friend, the love that is magnificently irreplaceable. Although I may have been three years old, I remember each world Veda said to me clearly. These words have taught me to love fearlessly and carefully and be willing and open to accept love.

So now you have it. How I learned how to love.

Hope you enjoyed!!

I Have a Challenge For You.

A challenge to think eternally, not worldly. A challenge that will make you seem really insignificant compared to the enormous size of our Lord and Savior.

Here's what you have to do.

Look Up. Today, or tomorrow, or who knows maybe next Thursday, but whenever you get around to it, just stop and look up. Stop your small tedious tasks like text messaging or tweeting or changing your song on your iPod, and look at the sky. Look at how big it is. Sure, you may think you look at the sky every day, but have you really looked at it? I do this whenever I am stressed out, so basically whenever I walk to class or work or home from one of those two things. Looking at the sky helps me put everything into perspective. Perspective that I lose sight of due to the complications of this world.

So today, look up. I promise you, you'll feel really insignificant and I promise you, all of your little worries and tasks will seem really petty compared to the glorious wonders of God.

Ten years.

Ten years is a decade. A lot can happen in ten years. I remember ten years ago on this day. I was nine, and I was in the fourth grade. I remember waking up, and seeing the towers fall on television. My mom was scared, my teacher was scared, my principal was scared. I didn't get it. Two towers fell, a couple planes crashed. In a fourth graders mind, it didn't seem like such a big deal. I didn't know what terrorism was, or what the twin towers were for that matter. I had no idea that people could be so cruel because they didn't believe in our freedom. I didn't understand the idea of hatred to that degree. I knew that I hated tomatoes and homework, but not enough to cause hurt to those who loved those things.

As the years have gone by, the pain and fear from that morning have slowly become apart of our everyday lives. I remember that first year, recollecting everyday what happened on that morning, and slowly as I became older, I began to put the pieces together, and that morning slowly began to make more sense to me. It's crazy to me that it was ten years ago. A lot has happened since that day. I have graduated high school, witnessed many national disasters and a war. I have learned more about this world than what I had known at age nine. It's crazy how life moves on after such a big event. It takes time, and courage but it happens. Nothing compares to the patriotism that occurred after the attack. There was a flag in every window, funds being raised to support the troops, food drives, t-shirts, you name it, everything had an American flag.

Ten years goes fast. We move on, but never forget. So on this day, don't forget. Don't let life get in the way. Take a moment to dwell on the fact that we are free, that we are blessed enough to live in a nation were we can do what we want. Take a moment today to thank God for the hero's that sacrificed their lives so that others may live. Take a moment to pray for the families whose lives were directly effected by the attacks. Take a moment. When was the last time you did that in these past ten years? September 11th isn't just a day anymore. It hasn't been for the past ten years. It's a day to remember. So today, do just that.

Crazy Love

It’s been a while but I’m just going to jump into it today. I have been reading this book called Crazy Love by Francis Chan, an intelligent and challenging man on a mission for God. This book is truly awesome and inspiring but sometimes I just can’t seem to pick it up. Honestly, I don’t know why. I’ve been reading it since the middle of summer, and usually it takes me a few days to finish a book of this size, and of this importance, but some of the thoughts are so profound, they need some dwelling upon. One thought in particular comes from page 94 of this little red book. Chan begins by asking, “What does God mean by love?” Then uses 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, 13.

   

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends… faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

What Chan said in the book was that he was challenged to replace his name with the word love. So I was like hmm, I wanna do that too. So I did and it sounded like this:
    “Colbie is patient and kind; Colbie does not envy or boast; she is not arrogant or rude.”

And so on… but seriously try it, replace love for your name. It doesn't sound right does it? Chan says, “by the end, don’t you feel like a liar? If I am meant to represent what love is, then I often fail to love people well.”

I’m pretty sure the only word that fits in place of love is God. Try it again with God in place of love. Sounds a lot better, huh? So this is my challenge to myself, and anyone who reads these posts. Try to live like that verse, like God does. Challenge yourself to be patient, and kind, and not irritable or resentful. Challenge yourself, to live more like God. I’m done being content with my spiritual well being, I’m ready to be radical, because I have a radical God with some sort of crazy love for me.

Oops

I've been so busy this last month of summer. It's been a whirl wind, but I'm back in San Jose! I have so much to say but no time to say right now. This summer has been so blessed and I am so excited for whats coming up! Crusade events, classes, friends, and fall. I love this place during the fall its not like home where I still wear shorts, nooo its jeans and scarves weather... OH YA! Anyways, it's going to be a great year I got that feeling. I know this is terrible, but that's all I'm going to write for now. I'll be back, and I'll be better about this posting thing.

It's been a while

A very long while. I'm so sorry I'm such a failure. This summer has been crazy busy and I am finally in my last week of summer school. It only seems right that I post on my blog instead of write my final discussion board, take my finals or finish (actually start first) my essay. Oh well it will all get done. Besides the more pressure I have to finish the better it will get done because I will have no other option but to finish it. For some reason I am completely unmotivated right now. I even had a second cup of coffee to get my creative juices flowing and so far I've only written the first sentence. Maybe I'll call it a day.

Well lets take a look at my summer.
I have completed (almost) 8 weeks of 3 classes.
I have picked up a softball again after a year off. That has been interesting.
I am baking, but honestly since my last baking post I haven't picked up my mixer :(
I spent a week as a leader for preschoolers at VBS Pandamania. Talk about mania, think 15 preschoolers in one room. Oh ya.
I spent an AMAZING weekend with Ben in southern California. We went to the beach and bagel shack and an angels game/ Dierks Bentley concert and the beach again with his awesome family.
I've been to some car shows. Y,es I am a girl and yes, I go to car shows.
I have created the ultimate summer play list.
I am going to Maui in less than two weeks. Thats cool.

Ya that's just some of my summer. Its been real. Real busy. And real blessed.

I move back to school in exactly 30 days. So here's to my final month in southern California. Well 10 days will take place in Maui, so I guess I have 20 days left at home. Hmm that's kind of intimidating. Lots to do, lots to take in, and not a lot of time. I am thankful for all this time I have had at home though, and I can't wait to get back to school to begin this semester. I know big things will happen because it will happen with God in control. I've learned I need to let go and let God. And this semester that's precisely what I will do. He's in control, He's got the reigns. I can't wait to see where He will lead.

Spotted: God

So, this doesn't usually happen but today you have the pleasure of reading two posts by me.

Today I had a God sighting. Basically I had another one of my realizations of how truly blessed I really am. So here's the situation. I was eating out with my mom and dad and having a great time just chatting away. Then I brought up how I was researching cars and what not. Then a little boy and his grandpa walked into the patio area. The grandpa then warned the boy there was a step and kept leading him through the dining area. The boy was blind. He was asking about his surroundings and talking to his grandpa and trying to understand the restaurant he was in. Here I am worried about getting a car and this kid will never drive. I almost started crying. Even my parents almost started crying. Not tears of sadness as much as tears of realization. Tears of wow-I'm-truly-blessed. Being blind is that kids everyday reality. He has to understand his surroundings with out ever even knowing what objects truly looks like. It's just a crazy thought. It made me take a step back and look at everything in my life. Not sound  Compared to so many people I have it good. But then I started thinking, God made that little boy blind for a reason. Maybe being blind isn't to the benefit of the boy as much as for the people around him. I know God had that little boy walk past me for a reason tonight. As for mine and my families blessing shock, I'm sure a lot of the people in the restaurant felt the same way.

So that's my second post of the day. Just another one of them moments when you gotta take a step back and look at your life and the world around you, take a deep breath, and say thank you to the big man up above.

xoxo

I'm at it again

Remember when I said that I've been baking and cooking a lot this summer? Well I thought I would try something out today and what do you know... It turned out amazing.

Introducing the banana/chocolate/peanut butter chip cookie. Yes I went there. Umm its kind of like the love child of banana bread and chocolate chip cookies. It's that good.
Best. Invention. Ever. So I think I'll share the wealth with you and pass along the recipe.

Banana Chocolate/ Peanut Butter Cookies:

Ingredients:
2 ripe banana's smashed
1 bag of nestle peanut butter & milk chocolate morsels (1 bag- 2 flavors)
& everything on the back of the bag of morsels.

It tells you what to do except minus the banana part. So when it comes to the bananas add them before you add the flour and make sure the chunks are gone so that you don't get chunks of banana in your cookies. The dough was more like muffin batter but I baked them as cookies and they turned out like flat muffin cookies. delicious.

I guess I need to go on another run now considering I am going to be eating an extreme amount of these babys.

xoxo

what a realization

It's crazy to think how much your perspective can change once you are removed from a certain situation. Once you battled through it, or once you have taken a step back and embraced it. Your perspective changes, heck, your life changes. Take for example my dad. He was having a very hard time accepting that he had cancer. It was really hard for him, and his family of course. But he battled it and kicked cancer's butt and now its amazing how much different his perspective on everything is. He was a total bear to be around when he was diagnosed. Of course anyone would be that's kind of a scary thing to deal with! but now the tables have turned and he is the one that people seek for advice, or he is the one who seeks people to give them his advice. It's cool to see how God can use him and his scary experience now to help out a friend who is in a situation he was in just months ago. It's awesome!

Yet another example of this perspective changing experience is this whole distance thing with Ben. This past week I've had some anxiety and just sadness about being so far away and not being able to see him for another month, but then I started praying. I was just chit-chatting with God when all of the sudden this thought came to my mind: worrying about anything is not going to glorify Him, having anxiety is not going to glorify Him. I know I've come to this realization a lot, but God has put me in this situation for a reason and I need to embrace that. I need to use this time for Him, and fight the good fight for Him, and get to the other side of this battle to see why God has put us through this.

That's the thing. There is a reason for everything that God does. So here is my new trick, you should try it too if you're stressin or having a bad day. Take a step back from everything and count every blessing in your life. Trust me, your anxiety will melt away, every little thing on your mind has no comparison to God's glory! It changes your perspective, it changes your life. So this post sounds kind of like an adverstisment now, but trust me this little trick is very useful!!

baked goods

I've missed having a kitchen obviously. I have a feeling that this summer is going to be full of cooking and baking. This week I've ventured into the baking world twice! and I've started from scratch both times!! Monday I made snicker doodle muffins. They were pretty good, Ben will vouch for me. Then today I was bored and feeling blue so I made... Oatmeal, Chocolate Chip, Coconut Cookies. Umm Ya I did. They were ridiculous but I made too many so I've been trying to get rid of them and give them to people, and of course I've been sneaking one every now and then. Oh and my dinner tonight. Pseudo chicken Parmesan with risotto and a miso caesar salad.

I am so glad I am going to have a kitchen in my house next year, I am going to be one happy cook!

I'm so bad

at keeping up with this blog lately. I guess I just don't have any profound thoughts and because I think my life is kinda too boring to share with you. So if you're in need of being bored right now, please feel free to continue reading.

I guess I'll write about my summer so far then. It's not to exciting just being a normal teenage girl I guess. Hanging out with my family and doing some summer school. Also playing some slow pitch softball which is really fun! I still gots skill which is weird considering I haven't played in a year! But ya so summer. I have a temporary job at a local flower shop starting thursday. It's SC's prom so I get to make lots of fun corsages and bouts! I can't wait for that! Other wise I'm still job hunting, and of course seeking the Lord always. It's been nice to have some downtime to just enjoy what God has given me and thank Him for my blessings. Home is a good reminder of these blessings.

But Ya. Hope everyone is having a wonderful summer and that you continue to do so!

xoxo

Summer Time, Feelin Fine

Yes, it is finally summer. The sun is out, its warm, oh wait and I'm home. Summer has so far started fantastically! It's so nice to be home and sleeping in my own bed. I never knew how much I'd miss home until I left. I made my mom cry the other day because I asked her if I could eat the food that is in our fridge. Cry. I know I'm a terrible daughter, but I'm just not used to being home, and for 3 months time!! Crazy talk. After tonight I will have about 39 days until I see Ben again. That's a long time but, it's not too bad. That's the only down side to summer. But, there's always something in the bible that pertains to every situation, good or bad. And I just so happened to receive this said verse in a text message today:

"For the eyes of the Lord range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him." 2 Chronicles 16:9

Yep, I'd say that pretty much sums it up. So bring it on 39 days. Cause guess what, God, that guy who controls the universe, He's on our side.

xoxo

I feel so free

I love the rush.

When I'm with you my fears melt away. My worries disappear. All I see is you.

Hi, My Name Is Colbie

I know, you're probably like, "Woah you blog here?" Yes, I do. It's been a while, a long while, well about 10 days, but to me that's a long while. In those 10 days I had 5 finals, and a 10 page paper due. And if you're all wondering, which I'm sure you are, I rocked those finals and that paper. I can now say I am a sophomore in college. Well kinda, I still have to go to a class on Wednesday but after that I am a sophomore. This freshman year in college has been LIFE CHANGING. AMAZING. INDESCRIBABLE. Yes it was necessary to caps lock those words, because in my head that is how I hear them. Have you ever noticed that when someone, or your self caps locks a word or phrase you actually yell it in your head. Oh wait, maybe that's just me. Cool.

But about those caps locked words up there, that basically sums up these past 9 months. I've found my place, where I am supposed to be for the time being. Sure that might change, but for these next 3 years, possibly 5 with grad school San Jose is my home. Home is where the heart is right? So if I take it literally home is definitely in San Jose, because my heart is in my body and my body is in San Jose. I'm sure you made the connection but I just thought I would clarify that. Anyways, I am happy here in SJ. It's been a journey, a crazy journey to say the least, but I have loved every minute of it. I may not have at some times, but I made it through and I can now look back and say, "Ahh I get it now." 

It's weird. I'm not really sure what to do with myself now that I don't have finals or homework any more. Oh wait summer school starts on MONDAY. I'm technically still in spring school and now summer school too. Oh man. So although the weather may scream summer is here, my schedule does not. Not until July 17. But July is going to be here before I know it. I hope. I have a long summer ahead of me. Don't get me wrong I'm just as excited for summer as the next person, but I have to spend 3 months away from my man. That's a TOTAL bummer. But we're both going to be busy and we get to see each other twice so that's gonna be awesome. Ya I said twice. That's significantly less than the amount of time we see each other now but we'll manage. We, are tough.

Next semester I'm moving off campus with some amazing ladies, and I am SO excited. It's going to be an awesome experience and I can't wait to decorate my room! So lame but I am truly looking forward to it. And having a kitchen. I can't wait for that. So long DC it's been real but it's time for some major menu changes. So if you have any healthy recipes, send them my way! I'm excited to see what God has in store for me with this house and with these ladies. It is going to be a great learning and growing experience.

I am truly blessed. And on that note you now know what's been going on, and what is to come in my life. I've been negligent of this poor blog, so I PROMISE to be better about this. Yep I caps locked it, which means I am screaming in my head to remind myself to be better about this. I caps locked a lot of things in this post. You must think I'm crazy, and I'm kinda beginning to think I might be.

So on that note. Catch ya on the flip side.

I'm astounded.

I'm baffled even. I'm at a complete and total loss for words. Literally. I have run out of thoughts to blog about. I think I can rightfully attribute that to my brain and its degree of friedness. Yes, I said friedness, yes, I made friedness up. Finals, and studying for finals and paper writing. Lots of paper writing. It's all draining me of my capability to write substantially. Instead I'm writing to you about my incapability to write. Awesome. I'm sure this is enjoyable to read.
For me summer will be here in exactly one week, minus the fact that I have to stay up here for my last class 5 days later where I will be doing NOTHING. But hey I'm gonna make the most of it. Besides, I have a lot of packing to do. I'm not sure how I'm going to do this. I've somehow managed to accumulate an extreme amount of clothing since being here, along with an extreme amount of everything else I'm not sure I can fit into all the bags I have. I can't believe my first year of college is almost over. Just like that. Done. It went by so fast!! It's so weird to think about! If every year of my college career is going to be like this its going to go by a lot faster than I thought it was going to. Oh man.

Destination: Unknown

I'm on an incredible journey. A journey with an unknown destination. A year ago I would have told you that my destination was to graduate college and start a life. But, that life, it's already been started. One year ago to the date was my baptism. And since that faithful day that I proclaimed my faith to the world, my life has taken a dramatic turn.

I'm not fearful of what is to come or nervous about my future. I have faith in God that He's got plans for me. I have desires on my heart, and some of them are completely opposite of what I would have said a year ago. I have a longing for things that even a year ago were such far fetched concepts for me. I want to change the world, I want to change lives. I always knew that I wanted to change lives, but I didn't know how. Sure my career will do so, but I want a greater impact. With God, I know how to change lives. All which have stemmed from the changing of my own life. From laying my own life down and realizing that this magnificently wonderful journey I'm on, I am not in control of. I'm living out God's will, not mine and that is what makes this journey so spectacular. I have a lot heading my way, a lot to conquer. Many more semesters of school, and smiles to be had. If one year has made such an impact on my life and dramatically transformed it for the better, think about two years, five years, ten years. This journey that I'm on, it is a life long journey. I know that it's a life long journey of happiness, and struggle, confusion and understanding, but it's a life long journey of Love. When you stop living for yourself, and start living for Him, things change, for the better. I'm on a journey with God and because of God, I'm on a journey with a destination I'm not sure I'll ever reach. It's a continuous, and life long journey.  

My Process of Thought.

Last night we had an impromptu worship session at the Crusade House. It was awesome. Lately I've been so busy with school and work and papers and what not that I haven't had time to really just sit and sing and talk to God. As I was worshiping I just started smiling. I couldn't help it. I am so blessed and so grateful. I can truly see God working in my life and I love it. Sometimes it's hard to pray to God and worship God when you're so happy and everything is going your way. You don't need to ask him for anything and you don't need to comprehend anything so what's the point? If you think about it it's a lot easier to pray to God when you need Him and when you need to hear from Him. But when things are going your way, this is when you need to be near to God the most. This is when you need to thank Him and praise Him the most and be close to Him the most. It's in these times that you can really appreciate the battle and the struggle that it took to get to where you are. I have a lot of reasons to smile, and I have one awesome God to thank for that.


Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.
Matthew 22:37

This is my new favorite verse. There is something about it. At least for me, I take it as Love God no matter what, with all you have. Whether you are happy, sad, confused, or whatever, Love God, because He is the reason for your happiness, the reason for your sadness, confusion, and whatever other feeling you have. If you are happy, Love God and thank Him. If you are sad, cling to God and seek him and his reasoning. If you are confused, ask God why. Love God for He is the one in control of your life and He is the one with all of the answers. Yep, that's what I get from this verse. Who knew one verse could spree a whole thought process from me.  

I have a random thought process. Ask anyone who knows me and they'll tell you, this is in fact a true statement. So many people just give me this baffled look. It's easier for me to explain why I say something and how I came to my thought. I can't help it I just have a random brain. I can thank God for that. As you can see just in this post my thought process is everywhere. I started with worship, then my smiling which all led up to my favorite verse and what I get from it, and now I'm on a tangent about my thought process. This is what I have to deal with on a daily basis.

Sweet Dreams

I've got so many thoughts running through my head. Thoughts that have been giving me sweet dreams. I wake up smiling most days lately and can't seem to get enough time with you. I'm cheesy and dorky, and I met someone who is the same compatibility of dorkiness as me. It's awesome. I don't feel like a dork around you, I don't get shy or self conscious or feel like you think I'm weird. We're weird together. I like this feeling. All of our little smiles and quirks and hand shakes and games. I'm just a very happy girl and I know that that is because God has brought you into my life for a reason. I'm thankful for that.

1 down...

4 more to go! Papers that is. Plus finals, lots of those coming up. I haven't been as faithful to this blog as I was when I first started. I've got a lot going on right now! I'm slightly distracted. A good distracted that puts a smile on my face despite all of these stupid stresses. A peaceful distraction that I can't get enough of. Less than one month and I will be home and hitting the books once again so this distraction is nice. So basically although it may be "summer," it is in fact not summer for me until July 24th. But I'm keeping my head up. I've got alot to smile about.
The other day I was praying while I was vacuuming. Random I know. But I was praying nonetheless and thanking God for the ability to be able to vacuum. The fact that I have a house that I can vacuum, that I have legs and arms to push it, and that I have the comfort of a clean house. It kind of hit me that there aren't people that can thank God for giving them the privilege to vacuum their house. So random right? I know I am. But seriously, kind of a humbling thought. I've also been asking God lately what made him choose me to receive all of these blessings? Why am I so special? I'm not sure, and I don't think that I'll ever be able to understand God's reasoning behind all of it but I'm thankful nonetheless. Lately I've been finding good in every situation and I'm being quite an optimist. It's been lovely. I've also got this new passion in me to find a ministry that I can pour some time into. I know when I'm home I have VBS and I'm SO EXCITED for that! Along with some summer time fun with the youth :) And while here I have Campus Crusade, but I mean something in the future. It doesn't have to be now, but I want to do something with the blessings and talents that I have from the Lord. I want to change lives and change them for Him. I'm ready and excited to see how God is going to use me next fall and semesters to come with Crusade! I'm on a wonderful journey, a wild ride, and I can't get enough.

Happy Easter

I know Easter is tomorrow. But I'm too excited!! So I'm blogging now. Amazing Grace is my new favorite worship song. I know it's not new, but I was sitting in the airport on Thursday and had to put it on repeat. I listened to the words and it gave me this feeling. This sense of peace and love and, well amazing grace. Easter is a time to remember this amazing grace that has come through a sacrifice. Such a sacrifice that has saved my life. What a glorious day! So happy Easter!!

Amazing grace
How sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost, but now I'm found
Was blind, but now I see
'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear
And grace my fears relieved
How precious did that grace appear
The hour I first believed

My chains are gone
I've been set free
My God, my Savior has ransomed me
And like a flood His mercy rains
Unending love, Amazing grace

The Lord has promised good to me
His word my hope secures
He will my shield and portion be
As long as life endures

My chains are gone
I've been set free
My God, my Savior has ransomed me
And like a flood His mercy rains
Unending love, Amazing grace

The earth shall soon dissolve like snow
The sun forbear to shine
But God, Who called me here below
Will be forever mine
Will be forever mine
You are forever mine

Happily Ever After

I don't know how many of you have seen the movie Tangled, but I must admit it is one of my favorite movies!! I'm slightly, extremely obsessed quite frankly. I love all of the cute little songs and the happy dancing, her cute little chameleon and the HAIR! It's soooooooo awesome! I wish I had hair that long, although I would probably be soooo lazy cause I would just use my hair to pick up things around the house. That would be awesome!! But seriously for being a little kid movie, it's sooo dang good!! and sooo cute!! I caught myself singing the songs and envying the characters!! I'm. So. Lame. And then the glowing lanterns... ahh so cute and so romantic! I guess I'm just going to come clean; I, Colbie Dilbeck, am a hopeless romantic. Obviously considering this is the second cute love story that I'm writing about on my blog. Like seriously how cute is this?

But really, I'm offically obsessed. I would like to become a princess, now I know why my niece loves all of the princess movies. They're awesome! The first time I saw Tangled I walked out of the movie so excited, and after watching it 4 times now I can say that I still get excited when the movie is over. I may, or may not, start to make up alternate endings and story lines to what happens in their lives. The baby names, and the wedding plans. Yep, everything. I don't just do this with Tangled, but like every other movie I watch. I could make a really good sequel writer. Really good. Except there probably wouldn't be any conflicts or anything exciting. I mean the stories do end, "Happily ever after." That means happily, with no conflicts and no problems to resolve, just happily. Good plan, I know. I would probably actually fail at sequel writing. But oh well, good thing that is not my desired career choice. Any ways, Tangled was my Easter present, so that means that I own it. Which means I will be watching it, a lot. Which means when finals comes around I might be watching it instead of studying. Oh well, I'm just studying happily ever after, that's real life right? That will fit on my college degree, right by my sociology class and math class. If only I could get credit for how many times I will watch this movie. Man that would be awesome. I would get an easy A. No doubt about it.
Wow, that was a long tangent about Tangled. If you didn't notice, it's officially my new favorite movie, and I may or may not be completely obsessed with it.

:)

It's kind of hard to describe this feeling. It's a good feeling though. A VERY good feeling. I'm constantly smiling, and laughing and I just want to be with you. All I know is God is completely behind this 100%. I know that this is right. We just click, and we're already inside each others brains. There's never a dull moment when you're around. I don't think I stop laughing once. I'm excited for what's to come and I can't wait venture these next 4 years through God's plans for us. <3

special talk

I've noticed that I talk weird. I have a very special vocabulary full of words that are real words, but they don't sound like it at all. Sometimes I wonder how I'm supposed to be a speech pathologist if I can't say words correctly. For example button. I don't say it like you normal people do. Nope I have to make it difficult. I say it like this: bud-den. So I guess I should just spell it budden. And kitten. The same thing goes, it's more like kid-den in my language. They mean the same things, but they do not sound the same, at all. Some people give me funny looks like, "wow did that girl really just talk like a 2 year old?" Yes, I did. Its what I do. I can't help it. Oh another thing, Striped. Like, "Cute striped shirt." It looks the same when I type it, but when I say it striped comes out more like: stry-ped. I'm a dork, I know, I. Can't. Help. It.  Lately, I can't even say my sentences without stuttering. I need to slow down my thoughts I guess.
I have been trying to slow down my brain for some time now. It just doesn't work that way. I need to take a chill pill, but there's too much going on in my head. Too much good going on in my head. I have 6 weeks left of class until summer. Then 8 weeks, then Maui, then back to SJ to begin my sophomore year. I think that's why my speech comes out all funny. I get these thoughts in my head, these thoughts that I would much rather focus on and that's why my speech is funny. Maybe not, it's probably just out of habit, but I'm gonna pretend that that's why. I haven't taken a single class in my major yet, but I can tell you I've got a bad case of the special talk.

Fear or Faith

Tonight at Awakening, our college church group, the Pastor talked about fear versus faith. Do you comprise to your fears or do you move forward in your faith? One thing that really stuck with me tonight was the concept the more you have, the more you have to lose, which in turn means the more you have to fear.

I have nothing to lose. Think about it. What worldly possession has the right to hold you back from God? No car, no computer, nothing. I'm single, I have no ties to anything. Why not jump head first into what comes my way? Why not make a story for myself, make a name for myself. That's why I'm so excited for next semester. The more and more that I look back on my idea of transferring, the more and more I'm like what the heck was I thinking? I love San Jose. Maybe not when it's freezing but that's besides the point. Tonight I had a really awesome friend pray over me just because she felt like I needed it. Man did I. I've been feeling so anxious lately. I'm just trying to figure things out I guess. So I guess my anxiousness is God saying, "Colbie, s  l  o  w  down I'm in control here." Man is it good to hear that from Him. Even if it is through feeling anxious. God understands.

Revelation 2:9 says, "I know your afflictions and your poverty- yet you are rich." Man am I rich, in Holy Spirit that is. I have courage in this situation. I have courage in God. That God knows what he's doing. I may not, but He, He's in control, and He's got a plan, and He's gonna see me through it. 

Lately, I've been feeling like I'm on a bipolar teeter-totter. It's a pretty fast, and bumpy teeter-totter that's giving me whiplash. I go through these moments of sheer confidence in the Lord and then these what-the-heck-are-you-doing-to-me-God moments. Tonight, the Pastor also said this: "Jesus said follow me, but He didn't say where He was going." Truth. I have no idea where the heck this journey is taking me. But that's exciting and wonderful. I'm perfectly alright with not knowing. I like surprises. The risk is worth the result.

CoOoOl

There is currently a gas leak on my floor. This means that we had to evacuate and now I'm actually being forced to do my homework and stay up past my bed time. This is soo not cool. I'm obviously not doing my homework because I'm writing this but nonetheless I'm going to have the extra time to do my homework which means I should take full advantage of it. So much for sleeping tonight!

This has been the worst part of today. It was even raining today and I didn't care. The rain was actually kind of nice. I usually don't like the rain but it was okay today. The clouds were beautiful and that is what made it okay with me. I love the clouds. It's like looking up into marshmallow fluffy goodness! It makes me want to soar through them honestly. And obviously I can't, and ya that sounded cheesy, but I would love to know what it feels like to do such a thing and not be constrained by the confines of an airplane. Tonight at bible study we were asked the question, what is something that you would want to do but would never actually do it. I said scuba diving, because I love the ocean and swimming but I'm too claustrophobic to actually scuba dive. But now that I think about it skydiving would be fun minus the diving from the sky part. Clouds are just a nice escape. Think about it, you're walking to class and you're thinking about all the stuff you have to do that day, and then you look up to the sky to see the beautiful clouds all around. It's a nice temporary distraction!

This is a picture from Venice at sunset. I took a picture of the clouds today but my iPhoto says that I didn't upload it and I most definitely did. So This will have to do. It's a pretty good description of what I'm trying to say. The clouds are a perfect escape.

7 weeks

 Despite all my tests and studying and writing and speech preparing I've had a really solid day. Actually a really solid week, but it is only Tuesday. I'm keeping my head up and fighting the good fight. I've got this new flame burning inside. 7 weeks until summer, although that means 7 weeks until summer school that also means 7 weeks until home and beach and my family for 2 months (which by then I'll be ready to come back). 7 weeks is also not as much time as I would like considering my assignments but I'll git 'er done. I always do. Keeping my eyes on the prize. 103 days until Maui. That's doable right?            

           My prize.                                                       

Brace for Impact

If the Lord had not been on our side... the flood would have engulfed us, the torrent would have swept over us, the raging waters would have swept us away.
-Psalm 124:1-5

This week and the week to come are going to be very busy weeks. Today is just the beginning. But I'm not shaken.

I came across this verse last night in my devotional that a dear friend gave me. I take these stories to heart because it is from a book that a woman who helped raised me wanted to give to me before she passed away. It was her plan to give it to me when I came home for Christmas but that was not God's will. So, my mom sent it to me after she got it from the woman's daughter. This book is something that she read and thought that it was something that I had to read. So when I hold this book and read its pages I think about her and remember that she read these exact pages. It makes me wonder what was going across her mind as she read the stories and the verses. I would really like to know. There is obviously a reason that the book is now in my possession. So, when I read it, I keep that in mind. But, that whole tangent is beside the point. See, I read this verse and instantly thought about my weeks to come. About my floods of homework, torrents of tests, and raging amounts of everything else that I have to do. I thought about my stress level, which is at about an 11 out of 10, I thought about last semester and what came along with that, and then thought about God. God wouldn't put me through any of this stuff without a purpose or plan, and definitely without protecting me.

The extreme amount of school work that I am going to face this week, the excruciating amount of studying heading my way, and of course my social life, all of these pressures, they're going to build me up. Not tear me down. These floods, and torrents and raging waters, I wouldn't be facing them if God knew I couldn't get through them. And I can.

I guess that's what God has been doing all along. Building me up, making me strong. Because all of these little tasks like tests and speeches and essays are nothing compared to what I went through last semester. These tasks are simple, and controllable. These are the things that I can control, unlike my life. I can control and manage my tasks like homework, but when it comes to my life, I'm completely out of control of that. Maybe that's God's way of putting me in control of something since I'm such a control freak. Hmm, haven't thought about that.

But anyways, yesterday before I opened my book I was bracing for impact. Bracing for a flood, a torrent, and raging waters to consume my weeks. But now, I'm not. Now I'm ready for these challenges, well petty school tasks actually. But nonetheless challenging petty school tasks. The best part is, when these two weeks of stress are over I will be able to go home for Easter and spend some time with my family. That, along with my faith, is what is getting me through these next two weeks of stress.

The Great Debate.

So obviously this is going to be a very controversial topic... but here goes nothing. 

SoCal versus NorCal.
The great debate.
In one corner you have SoCal. The sunshiney and warm homeland of mine. SoCal is known for being a vacation spot for most Northern Californians and many others from around the country. SoCal is the home of Hollywood, Shamoo, the Angels baseball team, and Mickey Mouse. All worthy components against NorCal. In the other corner there is NorCal. NorCal is now my second home. It's the home of San Francisco, beach boardwalks, Apple, and Ebay. All again worthy components.

The first topic of debate tonight is:

HELLA VS. GNARLY

Gnarly is something that I use to describe epicness. Same goes for hella, but for northern californians. I personally don't understand the whole Hella/ Hecka thing but whatever. To me it's a filler. That is all. Someone who says, "That was hella cool" just means "that was really cool" so why not just save yourself the trouble and just say really?
But then again I'm sure when I say gnarly I sound just as ridiculous as people who say hella. The true test, spell check. My spell checker doesn't underline gnarly as being spelled incorrectly, but hella is underlined in red.
I guess both words are stupid words. What happened to the days of proper english?

Another topic of debate:

"The 101" VS. "101"
Long gone are the days of proper english and grammar apparently.
Here in the bay area when referring to a freeway they simply call it by the number. An example of this would be, "To get to Santa Cruz you take 280 to 17." Sounds like it's missing something huh? That's because it is. In my homeland, we say, "You need to take the 5 to the 405 to get there." It's simple really. All it takes is one syllable more to your sentence. It's not that hard.

Those are really the only two things I could think about debating about. And even then they're not that debatable when you're a biased writer from SoCal. So I guess I can't really dub a winner in this debate considering how awesome both places are. Both are home to my heart, I can't choose a winner. So I guess it's not that great of a debate. They're both winners in my heart. Sorry cheesy line of the night.

What a Classic

Tonight, I watched for the first time ever, Bonnie and Clyde. Shock I know considering who my father is, the king of old movies. But wow, what a good movie. And, true story.

Besides the fact that it took me three hours to watch this 1 hour and 50 minute movie, thank you dorm internet, it is possibly one of the best movies that I've seen. It's a classic, like Gone With the Wind and The Andy Griffith Show. Both classics. But what makes a "classic" a classic? And who gets to dub it a classic? Just because something is old is it automatically a classic? I've always wondered these things.

I of course was enthralled by the love story aspect of the whole thing. Like I said, I'm a fairytale kinda girl. This isn't a fairytale, whatsoever, but it's still a love story. Bonnie and Clyde met by chance, began a business of robbing banks that took them through almost every state in the south, and began to fall in love. This doesn't sound like a very romantic movie, and it's not. It's full of guns and robbing and car chases. Not really something that sounds like a cuddly romantic comedy or romantic tear jerker, but it shows truth. It shows true love. Clyde, he sacrificed a lot for Bonnie. All the while keeping her safe. What a man that Clyde is. The movie showed him fighting for his woman through everything. He worked his tail off for that girl. It was a perfectly crazy love.

The only thing that I did not like about this movie is the end. It was brutal. I'm into happily-ever-after's so when the two got shot multiple multiple times in an ambush I was not very happy. But again, shows the truth. I mean it is a true story yes, and that is what really happened in really real life, but I guess it shows the truth that happily ever after is in fairytale's for a reason. Maybe this was their happily-ever-after though. It was their only escape from the law and their punishment. Maybe it was the perfect ending to their perfect love.

So maybe everyone has their own version of happily-ever-after. Of course it's not going to be perfect like the movies, but even perfect has a person specific definition. What is perfect to one person maybe slightly less perfect to another or slightly greater than perfect to another. I guess everyone has their own definition of a classic as well then. So, I guess I can say, Bonnie and Clyde, what a classic.

Perplexing

In the wise words of my beautiful friend and birthday twin Hannah McDowell, "There is nothing more confusing on planet Earth than the opposite sex."

Man is she right. I don't think there is anything that really can be more confusing. Think about it. Is a bug confusing? No. Is a shirt confusing? No, quite simple actually. Is homework confusing? Sure, but you always seem to find the answer some how. That's why there are textbooks. Yes, that is what a text book is for, finding answers and learning things. Now that we've established that, I think guys should come with a textbook, or maybe a operating manual.

Actually me and my friend were going to make a book about guys and how they operate, and our number one point was that there is no way to determine such a thing. Yep, that would definitely be a best seller. Possibly a Pulitzer prize winner, I know. But that's beside the point.

For real though. Have you ever been more confused by anything more than you have by the opposite sex? I mean really. There is nothing else that can get into your heart, and nothing else that can baffle your brain as much as "the others" can. Guys to me are more confusing that cars. I can understand cars and engines and radiators and whatever else is in a car, because it's simple. Guys, not so simple. They make you feel things in your heart, and think things in your brain that a car, or a bug, or a shirt, or homework can't make you feel. It's frustrating. Very, very frustrating.
Guys, I'm sure you are saying, "Well, the same thing goes for girls too!" and I know it does. That's why I said opposite sex. My opposite sex is a male, so that is why I am talking about males. But quite frankly, I think that males are far more confusing than females. Most girls are easy to read, you can tell either by the look on our face or the tone in our voice if we're into you. If only guys were the same way. Guys can't show emotions like that. It must be in the guy code or something. I feel like guys live in their own little world sometimes. If only I could understand what is going on in that world, life would be so much simpler.

Just a thought, but maybe it's not supposed to be simple. Think about it sure objects are simple but mostly anything relational is not so simple. A friendship takes work. It takes time and it takes effort. Any relationship takes work. Whether it is a friendship, a relationship with the opposite sex, or a family relationship. Both people in the relationship need to work at it and need to try. It can't be one person putting in all of the effort, that's unbalanced and that definitely won't work. Putting in effort and time into any relationship, into anything at all, is not simple. It's hard. But it's worth it in the end. Humans, were relational beings. We thrive in relationships, and discover in relationships, and grow in relationships. Sure it's not easy, but it's worth it. So I guess all of the confusion and working through the confusion of the opposite sex is worth it. Maybe we don't have a guide to the opposite sex because that would be simple. Why would you want a simple solution to something that deserves more than that? Something that deserves time and effort to find the true worth of.

So that is my puzzling thought of the day. This post was intended to be a rant about the opposite sex, but instead my thoughts took over and they took me to a solution to a question that I've been trying to figure out for some time now. It's just not simple, its not meant to be. It is in fact, Perplexing.

I'm Thankful For...

I know that it's not Thanksgiving, but why do I only have to be thankful for someone once a year? I have a right to be thankful for someone and appreciate their awesomeness when ever I feel like it. So, I'll make this short and sweet. I, Colbie Dilbeck, am thankful for my wonderful friends. They listen to me and care about me. They are brutally honest with me, and loving, all at the same time. They care, and they want me to be happy, and you know what, when I'm with them I am happy. I'm also thankful for my family. But that's a given. And most of all God. He's awesome, and I'm sure from my recent posts you understand why I am thankful for God. Without Him, I would not be who I am, or where I am today. 

Wow, that sounded a bit like a thank-you speech at the Grammy's. I guess I should thank my writer too? Oh wait, that's me.
But really, who are you thankful for, who do you appreciate? Have you told them? Maybe, you should.

I know, I know, I sound like your mother, but it's true, why do you need a holiday to tell someone you are thankful for who they are? Just tell them, I'm sure they'll appreciate it. 

Oh, and one last thing. Here's a quote to sleep on. I got it from my book again, what a surprise right? 

"Our limitation is God's opportunity. When you get to the end of your rope and there isn't anything you can do, that's when God takes over."

So there's a little something to sleep on, or wake up to...

Optimus Prime

I'm an optimistic being. A glass half full kind of girl I guess you could say. When faced with a situation my mind doesn't automatically dart to the worst out come possible, but instead it shoots to the most outrageous and amazingly perfect outcome. I think I can safely say that Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty are to thank for that. I mean they don't call the story of an underdog a Cinderella story for nothing. It all works out in the end. That's what I want, so that's how I think. I like fairy tales and perfection. In the wise words of my father, "It doesn't cost a dime to dream." So I do, I mean it is free.
But anyways, optimism. Right, so I think my optimism has to do with God. Now I'm sure you all just read that sentence and were like, "well duh," but let me finish my thoughts, gosh. So as I was saying, it has to do with God, and my trust in Him. 
Now saying you trust God, and actually trusting God are two different concepts completely. Lately, I've discovered that I do both. I really do trust God completely, but sometimes, I say that I trust Him, then take matters into my own hands. That's when things begin to take a spiraling downfall. You begin to say to yourself, its my problem, not God's. What does this have to do with Him? Well, it has everything to do with God.
Here's how I see it: you have two routes. To Trust, or to say you trust. If you trust God then you will be content with the outcome, whatever it may be. That's because you know it is God's will. Basically, everything is fine and dandy. But, if you say you trust Him, but take matters into your own hands, you begin to take a path of failure. You travel down this path until you have no other choice but to truly trust God.
I've had both of these kinds of moments. Let me tell you, it's way easier to trust. It saves so much time, and energy, and grief. Why not just actually trust Him.
So I'm reading this book right now, Its an amazing book that I would totally recommend to everyone. The book is called, "Same Kind of Different As Me," by Ron Hall, and Denver Moore. It's a true story, and I'm going to quote a little passage from it that completely has to pertain with my post today.

"The word says that God put every star in the heavens and even gave every one of them a name. If one of them was going to fall out of the sky, that was up to Him, too. Maybe we can't see where it's going to wind up, but He can."

Our God is a benevolent God. Think about it, trusting Him is the best thing you could possibly do. God knows what he's doing. That's why I trust. That's why I'm optimistic. 
 

Untitled. Like My Mood.

I'm in an odd mood today.
Its kind of a mix between happy and nostalgic with a pinch of mystification. Why I even chose these words to describe my mood I have no idea.

I'm happy because its spring, and because I woke up today. That in itself is a blessing that should not be taken advantage of. I'm happy because I can see God working in my life in so many ways. I'm happy for the gift of music. It's been getting me through my grueling hours of homework. Homework that is still not completed. I can thank stumbleupon for that. I am happy just because.

Now nostalgia. So I was listening to Pandora radio today when this Keith Urban song came on. Not just any Keith Urban song though, but his song entitled, Days Go By. First of all, amazing song, it was the first song he played at his concert that I attended in the eighth grade; yes I still remember. But as soon as the first note of of this song filled my ears, my childhood dance moves came flooding back into my brain like second nature. I flashed back to me and my best friend's air guitar solos, and ridiculous outfits (and when I say ridiculous I mean socks on our hands and bathing suit tops over our shirts ridiculous). We made up a dance to almost every single song on this album along with many classics like good ol' Shania Twain and 1985 by Bowling for Soup. I guess you could say I had a range in my taste of music. (PS I just watched the music video for 1985... talk about memory lane.) All of these songs hold some sort of recollection for me. When a song comes on that I once had some sort of dance moves to, I take a walk, no make that a giant trip, no, a head first dive down the rabbit hole of my childhood. I wish my life was still as simple as making up dance moves with my best friend in front of her huge mirror. On those days we were whoever we wanted to be. We were ballerinas or jazz dancers or school teachers or doctors with no worry in the world.
Kind of like my nephew. While I was home for spring break I had the superb opportunity to watch the little guy, twice! On friday while eating breakfast we were having a jolly good time. When I asked him how his eggs were, he told me they were good but that hot dogs were still his favorite food. He then added one quick statement that I will never forget. It goes a little something like this, "But Bee, I love you more than hotdogs." It took me by surprise, honestly, I didn't know how to respond. You should have seen the sincerity in his eyes, the I-truly-mean-it look on his face that shot straight to my heart. I want this simplicity back in my life. I want a love that can be compared to my favorite food. Now apparently me surpassing hotdogs in love is sort of a big deal, because I guess he could eat hotdogs for every meal. That's a lot of love. And I know it because I know that I would eat sushi for every meal if I could. I love you more than sushi. Ya that rolls off the tongue, almost as much as hotdogs. After we had our lovely breakfast we headed down to the beach for an hour. An hour that went by way too fast. An hour that I will forever treasure. It's crazy to see him so grown up. I can only imagine what he's going to be like in high school. Heart breaker for sure. But that's beside the point. I'm still on the fact of simplicity. At the beach, all it took for him to be happy was a rock. Well, multiple rocks. But there were plenty to go around. I stood there for an hour (got really sun burnt) and just stared at this little boy. I fell back down the rabbit hole of childhood again, and into a world where happiness took the form of a game that required you to jump over the waves as they washed up the shore towards your feet. And the only rule was: you lose if you don't jump all the way over. Again, I miss the simplicity. Life has gotten too caught up in it's self. Day's like these are needed more often.

Now since I had my little tangent, I guess I should tell you why I feel mystified. I guess I'm just baffled about everything that's floating around in my head. How can all of my little good thoughts and bad thoughts, questions for God and apologies to God, praises to God, and my whole homework and test schedule fit in there? All of these and more crammed into my little brain? I just don't understand. I think that's why I can get so distracted lately. I find myself writing down my prayers in class, not my notes. I find myself singing songs instead of studding my flashcards. But somehow, everything works out in the end. I just need to remember that, because I tend to forget sometimes. I also forget to breathe sometimes too. That's always a good thing to remember once in a while. I guess all of this mystification comes from this one question, When did I leave my once simple world, like my nephews, and enter this uncharted land of grownupville? I guess I knew it was coming sooner or later, I mean everyone has to grow up eventually. But I'm still a toys-R-us kid. Just want to set that one straight.


I guess it's not a pinch of mystification, it's more like an ocean sized amount. 



 

I Like Spring.

If spring had a facebook, I would "like" it. If you haven't already noticed, the sky lately has been blue. None of this crappy Norcal weather of overcast gray, nasty depressing sky, but it's been blue, amazing happy sky! It's great.
I never thought that I would hear myself say this, but I, Colbie Dilbeck, like spring. I used to think spring was the most useless season ever; and fall. The only seasons that I ever cared about was Summer and Winter. Summer because that means sun, beach, vacation, relaxing, and tans. And winter because of how refreshing it is to have a break from all of those amazingly fun things that summer has to offer. Sounds lame but after a long and unbelievably hard summer, winter is nice.
The only problem about loving these two seasons is what lies between them; spring and fall. Knowing that when summer is over I have to get through fall to get to winter sucks. And the same goes for the transition between winter to summer. It sucks.
Since moving up North though, I've come to appreciate these two buffer seasons. After moving here in August during the scorching heat, fall was a nice break. Fall here is like winter in Socal. Bareably cold-ish (notice I said ish.) Except here the leaves change color. This fall was the first time I've seen that. And now that the deathly freezing and gray winter of Norcal is over, I appreciate spring soo much. I thought that I liked rain, but nope not so much. It was fun at first, especially when I first got rain boots. That was epic. But needless to say after my first experience with Norcal winter, spring is a nice reminder that summer is around the corner.

They say that when someone talks about the weather it means they have nothing to talk about. But in this case, that is false. I'm just fascinated by the weather. I've never had a full change in seasons so I'm quite intrigued by this whole concept. It's a whole new world to me. A new fantastic point of view. A dazzling place I never knew.  A whole new world of unbelievable sights, and indescribable feelings. Okay, maybe not that last part, I just got a little carried away with my Aladdin reference. So on that note... If you notice I'm alot happier lately, and a little more smiley, it's because of spring. It's because of the fact that it is no longer cold. I like winter, but only during winter time. Winter time is the designated time from November to mid February where I'm okay with the cold, but after that Winter can be done with.
So if I'm a little more bubbly than usual, I blame it on the sun.

A Little Bit of Enlightenment

Today class, we're going to learn about desire. Desire; what we wish for, aspire for, yearn for, hunger for, long for. Versus what we need, what is a necessity. Lately, God has been showing me what the difference between these two very contrasting things are.

For example:

I want a pony, but do I need a pony? No, a car will do just fine.

But really, a really real example in my really real life is my desire for my family. I want to be closer to my family, they are such a big part of my life and being 400 miles away kind of sucks sometimes. But I've realized recently that being closer to my family is not something that I need right now. God knows that when home I'm comfortable,  and not constantly clinging to him, so that's why I'm here, in San Jose. To cling to God because that is what I need. God knows that to create myself in Him, I need to do it on my own because I am a very stubborn person. That is what is so awesome about God though, he knows you. And when you realize that He has been behind everything going on, every trial and error moment, every slump you're in and even every perfect moment, that's when you laugh. Because every worry and every problem has all been for a reason. That is what I am realizing right now. It's kind of really awesome. 
Something else I've realized, is when you and God are on the same page. Like when God shows you something that you need, and it just so happens to be the same thing that you want. It's no coincidence. It's that moment when something just feels right. It fits. I'm witnessing that right now in a friends life, and its awesome. Even in my life. I wanted so bad to move away and get out of my small beach town... what a coincidence, God needed me to get away from that beach town. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE that beach town, but it's my time to shine somewhere else.

God doesn't reveal all of his motives right away though. Thats the catch, I guess you could say. But really, why would He? That's cheating. That's why you have to go through all of the trials and errors and successes, all of the pain and all of the tears and smiles, because it shows you that He is behind it all. It is Him showing you what you need, and eventually why. 
This whole concept of want versus need has been really showing up alot in my life lately. And now looking through everything that happened last semester I'm realizing that it's God saying, "Hello I'm the one in control here Colbie!"

So that's my constant epiphany. I'm constantly realizing these little moments, constantly learning from them, and constantly smiling from them.

Spring Break 2011

These past 10 days consisted of:

A rainy road trip from Norcal to Socal
A friday morning and afternoon of serving and fellowshiping with the homeless of Ventura. (Best experience ever!)
A Saturday afternoon in Santa Monica, observing and conversing with the people around.
A Sunday that I will never forget, comprised of a Chruch service at Harbor Church in Ventura, and an afternoon of shopping downtown. (That last part was a bad idea since I had just gotten paid!)
A Monday of serving Ventura Community College at their Hope & Freedom week. And a drive from Ventura to HOME . A 2 and a half hour drive that took four hours.
A week full of my family, sun, sun burns (a likely occurence when you haven't seen the sun in months), and big decisions.
I know that a lot of people don't read this since this is only my second post ever, but I'm just gonna come out and say it... San Jose friends, the rumors are true.... I will be returning for fall of 2011!!

As most of you know, I was planning on moving home after this semester and transfering to San Diego State. I thought why not? It's close to home and my family, and no matter where I go, God will be there. But... I had a big talk with a good friend, a good friend that I owe alot to. She made me realize what a big part I play in San Jose and what a big part San Jose plays in my life. To be honest, I had never even heard of San Jose in Fall 2009 when I applied. And when I took my tour the following spring, I made a whimsical decision to attend there fall 2010. I knew no one. Not a single soul. And to remember that, and see where I am now, how is God not a part of all of this? Seriously. I am so blessed. With every person that tried to convince me to stay, and every reason I had to stay, I know that was God saying, "Colbie, when are you going to realize this is where you are supposed to be? Hellooooo." So, yes San Jose, I am staying!
Sure it's not going to be easy. But I have already faced so much this first year, there's nothing I can't handle. I'm Ready. I'm ready to see what God has in store for me next semester, and the semester after that, and after that, and after that, and after that until I eventually graduate (I hope).

So spring break 2011, I would like to say thank you! Thank you for your epicness in every aspect.

Oh Ya! There will be pictures, but I forgot my camera-computer connecter up North. But there will be pictures!

Here goes nothing...

So if you haven't noticed, which I hope you have, I spelled BEE instead of BE in the title of my blog. That's because that is my name. Well, Colbie is my name, but the last part of my name is Bee. Sometimes that confuses people. I'm not sure why, but most people are completely baffled when they find out my nickname is Bee. I always get the question, "Why?" Why? Because my beautiful sister gave me the nickname Bee. One day I got stung by lots, and lots of bees. Now when say lots, I mean zero. She gave me the nickname because it is in fact what the last part of my name sounds like, I was just a young thing, and from that day forward it has been my name. The name bee has nothing to do with bees whatsoever. But people do like to be quite punny with my nickname, and due to this, I own lots of bee merchandise. In fact, I wear a bee around my neck every day (An awesome necklace from an awesome aunt). Anyways, I've decided to start a blog. A lot of people do it, so why can't I? But, if a lot of people jumped off a bridge or out of a plane, I wouldn't do it. Just thought I would set that straight. I'm in college, and I'm discovering a lot about myself and about this world around me. So, one day I thought to myself, "Colbie, why not write a blog about your life?" I contemplated this thought for a while, and decided to finally just go for it. It may not be the most exciting thing, I mean who really wants to hear my thoughts on life and the world? I'm only a teenager, and in my parents eyes, I have a lot to learn. But what I have learned I thought that I would share with you on this blog. Now I'm rambling, so ya...
How do I end this?
Bye?