1 down...

4 more to go! Papers that is. Plus finals, lots of those coming up. I haven't been as faithful to this blog as I was when I first started. I've got a lot going on right now! I'm slightly distracted. A good distracted that puts a smile on my face despite all of these stupid stresses. A peaceful distraction that I can't get enough of. Less than one month and I will be home and hitting the books once again so this distraction is nice. So basically although it may be "summer," it is in fact not summer for me until July 24th. But I'm keeping my head up. I've got alot to smile about.
The other day I was praying while I was vacuuming. Random I know. But I was praying nonetheless and thanking God for the ability to be able to vacuum. The fact that I have a house that I can vacuum, that I have legs and arms to push it, and that I have the comfort of a clean house. It kind of hit me that there aren't people that can thank God for giving them the privilege to vacuum their house. So random right? I know I am. But seriously, kind of a humbling thought. I've also been asking God lately what made him choose me to receive all of these blessings? Why am I so special? I'm not sure, and I don't think that I'll ever be able to understand God's reasoning behind all of it but I'm thankful nonetheless. Lately I've been finding good in every situation and I'm being quite an optimist. It's been lovely. I've also got this new passion in me to find a ministry that I can pour some time into. I know when I'm home I have VBS and I'm SO EXCITED for that! Along with some summer time fun with the youth :) And while here I have Campus Crusade, but I mean something in the future. It doesn't have to be now, but I want to do something with the blessings and talents that I have from the Lord. I want to change lives and change them for Him. I'm ready and excited to see how God is going to use me next fall and semesters to come with Crusade! I'm on a wonderful journey, a wild ride, and I can't get enough.

Happy Easter

I know Easter is tomorrow. But I'm too excited!! So I'm blogging now. Amazing Grace is my new favorite worship song. I know it's not new, but I was sitting in the airport on Thursday and had to put it on repeat. I listened to the words and it gave me this feeling. This sense of peace and love and, well amazing grace. Easter is a time to remember this amazing grace that has come through a sacrifice. Such a sacrifice that has saved my life. What a glorious day! So happy Easter!!

Amazing grace
How sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost, but now I'm found
Was blind, but now I see
'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear
And grace my fears relieved
How precious did that grace appear
The hour I first believed

My chains are gone
I've been set free
My God, my Savior has ransomed me
And like a flood His mercy rains
Unending love, Amazing grace

The Lord has promised good to me
His word my hope secures
He will my shield and portion be
As long as life endures

My chains are gone
I've been set free
My God, my Savior has ransomed me
And like a flood His mercy rains
Unending love, Amazing grace

The earth shall soon dissolve like snow
The sun forbear to shine
But God, Who called me here below
Will be forever mine
Will be forever mine
You are forever mine

Happily Ever After

I don't know how many of you have seen the movie Tangled, but I must admit it is one of my favorite movies!! I'm slightly, extremely obsessed quite frankly. I love all of the cute little songs and the happy dancing, her cute little chameleon and the HAIR! It's soooooooo awesome! I wish I had hair that long, although I would probably be soooo lazy cause I would just use my hair to pick up things around the house. That would be awesome!! But seriously for being a little kid movie, it's sooo dang good!! and sooo cute!! I caught myself singing the songs and envying the characters!! I'm. So. Lame. And then the glowing lanterns... ahh so cute and so romantic! I guess I'm just going to come clean; I, Colbie Dilbeck, am a hopeless romantic. Obviously considering this is the second cute love story that I'm writing about on my blog. Like seriously how cute is this?

But really, I'm offically obsessed. I would like to become a princess, now I know why my niece loves all of the princess movies. They're awesome! The first time I saw Tangled I walked out of the movie so excited, and after watching it 4 times now I can say that I still get excited when the movie is over. I may, or may not, start to make up alternate endings and story lines to what happens in their lives. The baby names, and the wedding plans. Yep, everything. I don't just do this with Tangled, but like every other movie I watch. I could make a really good sequel writer. Really good. Except there probably wouldn't be any conflicts or anything exciting. I mean the stories do end, "Happily ever after." That means happily, with no conflicts and no problems to resolve, just happily. Good plan, I know. I would probably actually fail at sequel writing. But oh well, good thing that is not my desired career choice. Any ways, Tangled was my Easter present, so that means that I own it. Which means I will be watching it, a lot. Which means when finals comes around I might be watching it instead of studying. Oh well, I'm just studying happily ever after, that's real life right? That will fit on my college degree, right by my sociology class and math class. If only I could get credit for how many times I will watch this movie. Man that would be awesome. I would get an easy A. No doubt about it.
Wow, that was a long tangent about Tangled. If you didn't notice, it's officially my new favorite movie, and I may or may not be completely obsessed with it.

:)

It's kind of hard to describe this feeling. It's a good feeling though. A VERY good feeling. I'm constantly smiling, and laughing and I just want to be with you. All I know is God is completely behind this 100%. I know that this is right. We just click, and we're already inside each others brains. There's never a dull moment when you're around. I don't think I stop laughing once. I'm excited for what's to come and I can't wait venture these next 4 years through God's plans for us. <3

special talk

I've noticed that I talk weird. I have a very special vocabulary full of words that are real words, but they don't sound like it at all. Sometimes I wonder how I'm supposed to be a speech pathologist if I can't say words correctly. For example button. I don't say it like you normal people do. Nope I have to make it difficult. I say it like this: bud-den. So I guess I should just spell it budden. And kitten. The same thing goes, it's more like kid-den in my language. They mean the same things, but they do not sound the same, at all. Some people give me funny looks like, "wow did that girl really just talk like a 2 year old?" Yes, I did. Its what I do. I can't help it. Oh another thing, Striped. Like, "Cute striped shirt." It looks the same when I type it, but when I say it striped comes out more like: stry-ped. I'm a dork, I know, I. Can't. Help. It.  Lately, I can't even say my sentences without stuttering. I need to slow down my thoughts I guess.
I have been trying to slow down my brain for some time now. It just doesn't work that way. I need to take a chill pill, but there's too much going on in my head. Too much good going on in my head. I have 6 weeks left of class until summer. Then 8 weeks, then Maui, then back to SJ to begin my sophomore year. I think that's why my speech comes out all funny. I get these thoughts in my head, these thoughts that I would much rather focus on and that's why my speech is funny. Maybe not, it's probably just out of habit, but I'm gonna pretend that that's why. I haven't taken a single class in my major yet, but I can tell you I've got a bad case of the special talk.

Fear or Faith

Tonight at Awakening, our college church group, the Pastor talked about fear versus faith. Do you comprise to your fears or do you move forward in your faith? One thing that really stuck with me tonight was the concept the more you have, the more you have to lose, which in turn means the more you have to fear.

I have nothing to lose. Think about it. What worldly possession has the right to hold you back from God? No car, no computer, nothing. I'm single, I have no ties to anything. Why not jump head first into what comes my way? Why not make a story for myself, make a name for myself. That's why I'm so excited for next semester. The more and more that I look back on my idea of transferring, the more and more I'm like what the heck was I thinking? I love San Jose. Maybe not when it's freezing but that's besides the point. Tonight I had a really awesome friend pray over me just because she felt like I needed it. Man did I. I've been feeling so anxious lately. I'm just trying to figure things out I guess. So I guess my anxiousness is God saying, "Colbie, s  l  o  w  down I'm in control here." Man is it good to hear that from Him. Even if it is through feeling anxious. God understands.

Revelation 2:9 says, "I know your afflictions and your poverty- yet you are rich." Man am I rich, in Holy Spirit that is. I have courage in this situation. I have courage in God. That God knows what he's doing. I may not, but He, He's in control, and He's got a plan, and He's gonna see me through it. 

Lately, I've been feeling like I'm on a bipolar teeter-totter. It's a pretty fast, and bumpy teeter-totter that's giving me whiplash. I go through these moments of sheer confidence in the Lord and then these what-the-heck-are-you-doing-to-me-God moments. Tonight, the Pastor also said this: "Jesus said follow me, but He didn't say where He was going." Truth. I have no idea where the heck this journey is taking me. But that's exciting and wonderful. I'm perfectly alright with not knowing. I like surprises. The risk is worth the result.

CoOoOl

There is currently a gas leak on my floor. This means that we had to evacuate and now I'm actually being forced to do my homework and stay up past my bed time. This is soo not cool. I'm obviously not doing my homework because I'm writing this but nonetheless I'm going to have the extra time to do my homework which means I should take full advantage of it. So much for sleeping tonight!

This has been the worst part of today. It was even raining today and I didn't care. The rain was actually kind of nice. I usually don't like the rain but it was okay today. The clouds were beautiful and that is what made it okay with me. I love the clouds. It's like looking up into marshmallow fluffy goodness! It makes me want to soar through them honestly. And obviously I can't, and ya that sounded cheesy, but I would love to know what it feels like to do such a thing and not be constrained by the confines of an airplane. Tonight at bible study we were asked the question, what is something that you would want to do but would never actually do it. I said scuba diving, because I love the ocean and swimming but I'm too claustrophobic to actually scuba dive. But now that I think about it skydiving would be fun minus the diving from the sky part. Clouds are just a nice escape. Think about it, you're walking to class and you're thinking about all the stuff you have to do that day, and then you look up to the sky to see the beautiful clouds all around. It's a nice temporary distraction!

This is a picture from Venice at sunset. I took a picture of the clouds today but my iPhoto says that I didn't upload it and I most definitely did. So This will have to do. It's a pretty good description of what I'm trying to say. The clouds are a perfect escape.

7 weeks

 Despite all my tests and studying and writing and speech preparing I've had a really solid day. Actually a really solid week, but it is only Tuesday. I'm keeping my head up and fighting the good fight. I've got this new flame burning inside. 7 weeks until summer, although that means 7 weeks until summer school that also means 7 weeks until home and beach and my family for 2 months (which by then I'll be ready to come back). 7 weeks is also not as much time as I would like considering my assignments but I'll git 'er done. I always do. Keeping my eyes on the prize. 103 days until Maui. That's doable right?            

           My prize.                                                       

Brace for Impact

If the Lord had not been on our side... the flood would have engulfed us, the torrent would have swept over us, the raging waters would have swept us away.
-Psalm 124:1-5

This week and the week to come are going to be very busy weeks. Today is just the beginning. But I'm not shaken.

I came across this verse last night in my devotional that a dear friend gave me. I take these stories to heart because it is from a book that a woman who helped raised me wanted to give to me before she passed away. It was her plan to give it to me when I came home for Christmas but that was not God's will. So, my mom sent it to me after she got it from the woman's daughter. This book is something that she read and thought that it was something that I had to read. So when I hold this book and read its pages I think about her and remember that she read these exact pages. It makes me wonder what was going across her mind as she read the stories and the verses. I would really like to know. There is obviously a reason that the book is now in my possession. So, when I read it, I keep that in mind. But, that whole tangent is beside the point. See, I read this verse and instantly thought about my weeks to come. About my floods of homework, torrents of tests, and raging amounts of everything else that I have to do. I thought about my stress level, which is at about an 11 out of 10, I thought about last semester and what came along with that, and then thought about God. God wouldn't put me through any of this stuff without a purpose or plan, and definitely without protecting me.

The extreme amount of school work that I am going to face this week, the excruciating amount of studying heading my way, and of course my social life, all of these pressures, they're going to build me up. Not tear me down. These floods, and torrents and raging waters, I wouldn't be facing them if God knew I couldn't get through them. And I can.

I guess that's what God has been doing all along. Building me up, making me strong. Because all of these little tasks like tests and speeches and essays are nothing compared to what I went through last semester. These tasks are simple, and controllable. These are the things that I can control, unlike my life. I can control and manage my tasks like homework, but when it comes to my life, I'm completely out of control of that. Maybe that's God's way of putting me in control of something since I'm such a control freak. Hmm, haven't thought about that.

But anyways, yesterday before I opened my book I was bracing for impact. Bracing for a flood, a torrent, and raging waters to consume my weeks. But now, I'm not. Now I'm ready for these challenges, well petty school tasks actually. But nonetheless challenging petty school tasks. The best part is, when these two weeks of stress are over I will be able to go home for Easter and spend some time with my family. That, along with my faith, is what is getting me through these next two weeks of stress.

The Great Debate.

So obviously this is going to be a very controversial topic... but here goes nothing. 

SoCal versus NorCal.
The great debate.
In one corner you have SoCal. The sunshiney and warm homeland of mine. SoCal is known for being a vacation spot for most Northern Californians and many others from around the country. SoCal is the home of Hollywood, Shamoo, the Angels baseball team, and Mickey Mouse. All worthy components against NorCal. In the other corner there is NorCal. NorCal is now my second home. It's the home of San Francisco, beach boardwalks, Apple, and Ebay. All again worthy components.

The first topic of debate tonight is:

HELLA VS. GNARLY

Gnarly is something that I use to describe epicness. Same goes for hella, but for northern californians. I personally don't understand the whole Hella/ Hecka thing but whatever. To me it's a filler. That is all. Someone who says, "That was hella cool" just means "that was really cool" so why not just save yourself the trouble and just say really?
But then again I'm sure when I say gnarly I sound just as ridiculous as people who say hella. The true test, spell check. My spell checker doesn't underline gnarly as being spelled incorrectly, but hella is underlined in red.
I guess both words are stupid words. What happened to the days of proper english?

Another topic of debate:

"The 101" VS. "101"
Long gone are the days of proper english and grammar apparently.
Here in the bay area when referring to a freeway they simply call it by the number. An example of this would be, "To get to Santa Cruz you take 280 to 17." Sounds like it's missing something huh? That's because it is. In my homeland, we say, "You need to take the 5 to the 405 to get there." It's simple really. All it takes is one syllable more to your sentence. It's not that hard.

Those are really the only two things I could think about debating about. And even then they're not that debatable when you're a biased writer from SoCal. So I guess I can't really dub a winner in this debate considering how awesome both places are. Both are home to my heart, I can't choose a winner. So I guess it's not that great of a debate. They're both winners in my heart. Sorry cheesy line of the night.

What a Classic

Tonight, I watched for the first time ever, Bonnie and Clyde. Shock I know considering who my father is, the king of old movies. But wow, what a good movie. And, true story.

Besides the fact that it took me three hours to watch this 1 hour and 50 minute movie, thank you dorm internet, it is possibly one of the best movies that I've seen. It's a classic, like Gone With the Wind and The Andy Griffith Show. Both classics. But what makes a "classic" a classic? And who gets to dub it a classic? Just because something is old is it automatically a classic? I've always wondered these things.

I of course was enthralled by the love story aspect of the whole thing. Like I said, I'm a fairytale kinda girl. This isn't a fairytale, whatsoever, but it's still a love story. Bonnie and Clyde met by chance, began a business of robbing banks that took them through almost every state in the south, and began to fall in love. This doesn't sound like a very romantic movie, and it's not. It's full of guns and robbing and car chases. Not really something that sounds like a cuddly romantic comedy or romantic tear jerker, but it shows truth. It shows true love. Clyde, he sacrificed a lot for Bonnie. All the while keeping her safe. What a man that Clyde is. The movie showed him fighting for his woman through everything. He worked his tail off for that girl. It was a perfectly crazy love.

The only thing that I did not like about this movie is the end. It was brutal. I'm into happily-ever-after's so when the two got shot multiple multiple times in an ambush I was not very happy. But again, shows the truth. I mean it is a true story yes, and that is what really happened in really real life, but I guess it shows the truth that happily ever after is in fairytale's for a reason. Maybe this was their happily-ever-after though. It was their only escape from the law and their punishment. Maybe it was the perfect ending to their perfect love.

So maybe everyone has their own version of happily-ever-after. Of course it's not going to be perfect like the movies, but even perfect has a person specific definition. What is perfect to one person maybe slightly less perfect to another or slightly greater than perfect to another. I guess everyone has their own definition of a classic as well then. So, I guess I can say, Bonnie and Clyde, what a classic.

Perplexing

In the wise words of my beautiful friend and birthday twin Hannah McDowell, "There is nothing more confusing on planet Earth than the opposite sex."

Man is she right. I don't think there is anything that really can be more confusing. Think about it. Is a bug confusing? No. Is a shirt confusing? No, quite simple actually. Is homework confusing? Sure, but you always seem to find the answer some how. That's why there are textbooks. Yes, that is what a text book is for, finding answers and learning things. Now that we've established that, I think guys should come with a textbook, or maybe a operating manual.

Actually me and my friend were going to make a book about guys and how they operate, and our number one point was that there is no way to determine such a thing. Yep, that would definitely be a best seller. Possibly a Pulitzer prize winner, I know. But that's beside the point.

For real though. Have you ever been more confused by anything more than you have by the opposite sex? I mean really. There is nothing else that can get into your heart, and nothing else that can baffle your brain as much as "the others" can. Guys to me are more confusing that cars. I can understand cars and engines and radiators and whatever else is in a car, because it's simple. Guys, not so simple. They make you feel things in your heart, and think things in your brain that a car, or a bug, or a shirt, or homework can't make you feel. It's frustrating. Very, very frustrating.
Guys, I'm sure you are saying, "Well, the same thing goes for girls too!" and I know it does. That's why I said opposite sex. My opposite sex is a male, so that is why I am talking about males. But quite frankly, I think that males are far more confusing than females. Most girls are easy to read, you can tell either by the look on our face or the tone in our voice if we're into you. If only guys were the same way. Guys can't show emotions like that. It must be in the guy code or something. I feel like guys live in their own little world sometimes. If only I could understand what is going on in that world, life would be so much simpler.

Just a thought, but maybe it's not supposed to be simple. Think about it sure objects are simple but mostly anything relational is not so simple. A friendship takes work. It takes time and it takes effort. Any relationship takes work. Whether it is a friendship, a relationship with the opposite sex, or a family relationship. Both people in the relationship need to work at it and need to try. It can't be one person putting in all of the effort, that's unbalanced and that definitely won't work. Putting in effort and time into any relationship, into anything at all, is not simple. It's hard. But it's worth it in the end. Humans, were relational beings. We thrive in relationships, and discover in relationships, and grow in relationships. Sure it's not easy, but it's worth it. So I guess all of the confusion and working through the confusion of the opposite sex is worth it. Maybe we don't have a guide to the opposite sex because that would be simple. Why would you want a simple solution to something that deserves more than that? Something that deserves time and effort to find the true worth of.

So that is my puzzling thought of the day. This post was intended to be a rant about the opposite sex, but instead my thoughts took over and they took me to a solution to a question that I've been trying to figure out for some time now. It's just not simple, its not meant to be. It is in fact, Perplexing.

I'm Thankful For...

I know that it's not Thanksgiving, but why do I only have to be thankful for someone once a year? I have a right to be thankful for someone and appreciate their awesomeness when ever I feel like it. So, I'll make this short and sweet. I, Colbie Dilbeck, am thankful for my wonderful friends. They listen to me and care about me. They are brutally honest with me, and loving, all at the same time. They care, and they want me to be happy, and you know what, when I'm with them I am happy. I'm also thankful for my family. But that's a given. And most of all God. He's awesome, and I'm sure from my recent posts you understand why I am thankful for God. Without Him, I would not be who I am, or where I am today. 

Wow, that sounded a bit like a thank-you speech at the Grammy's. I guess I should thank my writer too? Oh wait, that's me.
But really, who are you thankful for, who do you appreciate? Have you told them? Maybe, you should.

I know, I know, I sound like your mother, but it's true, why do you need a holiday to tell someone you are thankful for who they are? Just tell them, I'm sure they'll appreciate it. 

Oh, and one last thing. Here's a quote to sleep on. I got it from my book again, what a surprise right? 

"Our limitation is God's opportunity. When you get to the end of your rope and there isn't anything you can do, that's when God takes over."

So there's a little something to sleep on, or wake up to...

Optimus Prime

I'm an optimistic being. A glass half full kind of girl I guess you could say. When faced with a situation my mind doesn't automatically dart to the worst out come possible, but instead it shoots to the most outrageous and amazingly perfect outcome. I think I can safely say that Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty are to thank for that. I mean they don't call the story of an underdog a Cinderella story for nothing. It all works out in the end. That's what I want, so that's how I think. I like fairy tales and perfection. In the wise words of my father, "It doesn't cost a dime to dream." So I do, I mean it is free.
But anyways, optimism. Right, so I think my optimism has to do with God. Now I'm sure you all just read that sentence and were like, "well duh," but let me finish my thoughts, gosh. So as I was saying, it has to do with God, and my trust in Him. 
Now saying you trust God, and actually trusting God are two different concepts completely. Lately, I've discovered that I do both. I really do trust God completely, but sometimes, I say that I trust Him, then take matters into my own hands. That's when things begin to take a spiraling downfall. You begin to say to yourself, its my problem, not God's. What does this have to do with Him? Well, it has everything to do with God.
Here's how I see it: you have two routes. To Trust, or to say you trust. If you trust God then you will be content with the outcome, whatever it may be. That's because you know it is God's will. Basically, everything is fine and dandy. But, if you say you trust Him, but take matters into your own hands, you begin to take a path of failure. You travel down this path until you have no other choice but to truly trust God.
I've had both of these kinds of moments. Let me tell you, it's way easier to trust. It saves so much time, and energy, and grief. Why not just actually trust Him.
So I'm reading this book right now, Its an amazing book that I would totally recommend to everyone. The book is called, "Same Kind of Different As Me," by Ron Hall, and Denver Moore. It's a true story, and I'm going to quote a little passage from it that completely has to pertain with my post today.

"The word says that God put every star in the heavens and even gave every one of them a name. If one of them was going to fall out of the sky, that was up to Him, too. Maybe we can't see where it's going to wind up, but He can."

Our God is a benevolent God. Think about it, trusting Him is the best thing you could possibly do. God knows what he's doing. That's why I trust. That's why I'm optimistic. 
 

Untitled. Like My Mood.

I'm in an odd mood today.
Its kind of a mix between happy and nostalgic with a pinch of mystification. Why I even chose these words to describe my mood I have no idea.

I'm happy because its spring, and because I woke up today. That in itself is a blessing that should not be taken advantage of. I'm happy because I can see God working in my life in so many ways. I'm happy for the gift of music. It's been getting me through my grueling hours of homework. Homework that is still not completed. I can thank stumbleupon for that. I am happy just because.

Now nostalgia. So I was listening to Pandora radio today when this Keith Urban song came on. Not just any Keith Urban song though, but his song entitled, Days Go By. First of all, amazing song, it was the first song he played at his concert that I attended in the eighth grade; yes I still remember. But as soon as the first note of of this song filled my ears, my childhood dance moves came flooding back into my brain like second nature. I flashed back to me and my best friend's air guitar solos, and ridiculous outfits (and when I say ridiculous I mean socks on our hands and bathing suit tops over our shirts ridiculous). We made up a dance to almost every single song on this album along with many classics like good ol' Shania Twain and 1985 by Bowling for Soup. I guess you could say I had a range in my taste of music. (PS I just watched the music video for 1985... talk about memory lane.) All of these songs hold some sort of recollection for me. When a song comes on that I once had some sort of dance moves to, I take a walk, no make that a giant trip, no, a head first dive down the rabbit hole of my childhood. I wish my life was still as simple as making up dance moves with my best friend in front of her huge mirror. On those days we were whoever we wanted to be. We were ballerinas or jazz dancers or school teachers or doctors with no worry in the world.
Kind of like my nephew. While I was home for spring break I had the superb opportunity to watch the little guy, twice! On friday while eating breakfast we were having a jolly good time. When I asked him how his eggs were, he told me they were good but that hot dogs were still his favorite food. He then added one quick statement that I will never forget. It goes a little something like this, "But Bee, I love you more than hotdogs." It took me by surprise, honestly, I didn't know how to respond. You should have seen the sincerity in his eyes, the I-truly-mean-it look on his face that shot straight to my heart. I want this simplicity back in my life. I want a love that can be compared to my favorite food. Now apparently me surpassing hotdogs in love is sort of a big deal, because I guess he could eat hotdogs for every meal. That's a lot of love. And I know it because I know that I would eat sushi for every meal if I could. I love you more than sushi. Ya that rolls off the tongue, almost as much as hotdogs. After we had our lovely breakfast we headed down to the beach for an hour. An hour that went by way too fast. An hour that I will forever treasure. It's crazy to see him so grown up. I can only imagine what he's going to be like in high school. Heart breaker for sure. But that's beside the point. I'm still on the fact of simplicity. At the beach, all it took for him to be happy was a rock. Well, multiple rocks. But there were plenty to go around. I stood there for an hour (got really sun burnt) and just stared at this little boy. I fell back down the rabbit hole of childhood again, and into a world where happiness took the form of a game that required you to jump over the waves as they washed up the shore towards your feet. And the only rule was: you lose if you don't jump all the way over. Again, I miss the simplicity. Life has gotten too caught up in it's self. Day's like these are needed more often.

Now since I had my little tangent, I guess I should tell you why I feel mystified. I guess I'm just baffled about everything that's floating around in my head. How can all of my little good thoughts and bad thoughts, questions for God and apologies to God, praises to God, and my whole homework and test schedule fit in there? All of these and more crammed into my little brain? I just don't understand. I think that's why I can get so distracted lately. I find myself writing down my prayers in class, not my notes. I find myself singing songs instead of studding my flashcards. But somehow, everything works out in the end. I just need to remember that, because I tend to forget sometimes. I also forget to breathe sometimes too. That's always a good thing to remember once in a while. I guess all of this mystification comes from this one question, When did I leave my once simple world, like my nephews, and enter this uncharted land of grownupville? I guess I knew it was coming sooner or later, I mean everyone has to grow up eventually. But I'm still a toys-R-us kid. Just want to set that one straight.


I guess it's not a pinch of mystification, it's more like an ocean sized amount. 



 

I Like Spring.

If spring had a facebook, I would "like" it. If you haven't already noticed, the sky lately has been blue. None of this crappy Norcal weather of overcast gray, nasty depressing sky, but it's been blue, amazing happy sky! It's great.
I never thought that I would hear myself say this, but I, Colbie Dilbeck, like spring. I used to think spring was the most useless season ever; and fall. The only seasons that I ever cared about was Summer and Winter. Summer because that means sun, beach, vacation, relaxing, and tans. And winter because of how refreshing it is to have a break from all of those amazingly fun things that summer has to offer. Sounds lame but after a long and unbelievably hard summer, winter is nice.
The only problem about loving these two seasons is what lies between them; spring and fall. Knowing that when summer is over I have to get through fall to get to winter sucks. And the same goes for the transition between winter to summer. It sucks.
Since moving up North though, I've come to appreciate these two buffer seasons. After moving here in August during the scorching heat, fall was a nice break. Fall here is like winter in Socal. Bareably cold-ish (notice I said ish.) Except here the leaves change color. This fall was the first time I've seen that. And now that the deathly freezing and gray winter of Norcal is over, I appreciate spring soo much. I thought that I liked rain, but nope not so much. It was fun at first, especially when I first got rain boots. That was epic. But needless to say after my first experience with Norcal winter, spring is a nice reminder that summer is around the corner.

They say that when someone talks about the weather it means they have nothing to talk about. But in this case, that is false. I'm just fascinated by the weather. I've never had a full change in seasons so I'm quite intrigued by this whole concept. It's a whole new world to me. A new fantastic point of view. A dazzling place I never knew.  A whole new world of unbelievable sights, and indescribable feelings. Okay, maybe not that last part, I just got a little carried away with my Aladdin reference. So on that note... If you notice I'm alot happier lately, and a little more smiley, it's because of spring. It's because of the fact that it is no longer cold. I like winter, but only during winter time. Winter time is the designated time from November to mid February where I'm okay with the cold, but after that Winter can be done with.
So if I'm a little more bubbly than usual, I blame it on the sun.

A Little Bit of Enlightenment

Today class, we're going to learn about desire. Desire; what we wish for, aspire for, yearn for, hunger for, long for. Versus what we need, what is a necessity. Lately, God has been showing me what the difference between these two very contrasting things are.

For example:

I want a pony, but do I need a pony? No, a car will do just fine.

But really, a really real example in my really real life is my desire for my family. I want to be closer to my family, they are such a big part of my life and being 400 miles away kind of sucks sometimes. But I've realized recently that being closer to my family is not something that I need right now. God knows that when home I'm comfortable,  and not constantly clinging to him, so that's why I'm here, in San Jose. To cling to God because that is what I need. God knows that to create myself in Him, I need to do it on my own because I am a very stubborn person. That is what is so awesome about God though, he knows you. And when you realize that He has been behind everything going on, every trial and error moment, every slump you're in and even every perfect moment, that's when you laugh. Because every worry and every problem has all been for a reason. That is what I am realizing right now. It's kind of really awesome. 
Something else I've realized, is when you and God are on the same page. Like when God shows you something that you need, and it just so happens to be the same thing that you want. It's no coincidence. It's that moment when something just feels right. It fits. I'm witnessing that right now in a friends life, and its awesome. Even in my life. I wanted so bad to move away and get out of my small beach town... what a coincidence, God needed me to get away from that beach town. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE that beach town, but it's my time to shine somewhere else.

God doesn't reveal all of his motives right away though. Thats the catch, I guess you could say. But really, why would He? That's cheating. That's why you have to go through all of the trials and errors and successes, all of the pain and all of the tears and smiles, because it shows you that He is behind it all. It is Him showing you what you need, and eventually why. 
This whole concept of want versus need has been really showing up alot in my life lately. And now looking through everything that happened last semester I'm realizing that it's God saying, "Hello I'm the one in control here Colbie!"

So that's my constant epiphany. I'm constantly realizing these little moments, constantly learning from them, and constantly smiling from them.

Spring Break 2011

These past 10 days consisted of:

A rainy road trip from Norcal to Socal
A friday morning and afternoon of serving and fellowshiping with the homeless of Ventura. (Best experience ever!)
A Saturday afternoon in Santa Monica, observing and conversing with the people around.
A Sunday that I will never forget, comprised of a Chruch service at Harbor Church in Ventura, and an afternoon of shopping downtown. (That last part was a bad idea since I had just gotten paid!)
A Monday of serving Ventura Community College at their Hope & Freedom week. And a drive from Ventura to HOME . A 2 and a half hour drive that took four hours.
A week full of my family, sun, sun burns (a likely occurence when you haven't seen the sun in months), and big decisions.
I know that a lot of people don't read this since this is only my second post ever, but I'm just gonna come out and say it... San Jose friends, the rumors are true.... I will be returning for fall of 2011!!

As most of you know, I was planning on moving home after this semester and transfering to San Diego State. I thought why not? It's close to home and my family, and no matter where I go, God will be there. But... I had a big talk with a good friend, a good friend that I owe alot to. She made me realize what a big part I play in San Jose and what a big part San Jose plays in my life. To be honest, I had never even heard of San Jose in Fall 2009 when I applied. And when I took my tour the following spring, I made a whimsical decision to attend there fall 2010. I knew no one. Not a single soul. And to remember that, and see where I am now, how is God not a part of all of this? Seriously. I am so blessed. With every person that tried to convince me to stay, and every reason I had to stay, I know that was God saying, "Colbie, when are you going to realize this is where you are supposed to be? Hellooooo." So, yes San Jose, I am staying!
Sure it's not going to be easy. But I have already faced so much this first year, there's nothing I can't handle. I'm Ready. I'm ready to see what God has in store for me next semester, and the semester after that, and after that, and after that, and after that until I eventually graduate (I hope).

So spring break 2011, I would like to say thank you! Thank you for your epicness in every aspect.

Oh Ya! There will be pictures, but I forgot my camera-computer connecter up North. But there will be pictures!

Here goes nothing...

So if you haven't noticed, which I hope you have, I spelled BEE instead of BE in the title of my blog. That's because that is my name. Well, Colbie is my name, but the last part of my name is Bee. Sometimes that confuses people. I'm not sure why, but most people are completely baffled when they find out my nickname is Bee. I always get the question, "Why?" Why? Because my beautiful sister gave me the nickname Bee. One day I got stung by lots, and lots of bees. Now when say lots, I mean zero. She gave me the nickname because it is in fact what the last part of my name sounds like, I was just a young thing, and from that day forward it has been my name. The name bee has nothing to do with bees whatsoever. But people do like to be quite punny with my nickname, and due to this, I own lots of bee merchandise. In fact, I wear a bee around my neck every day (An awesome necklace from an awesome aunt). Anyways, I've decided to start a blog. A lot of people do it, so why can't I? But, if a lot of people jumped off a bridge or out of a plane, I wouldn't do it. Just thought I would set that straight. I'm in college, and I'm discovering a lot about myself and about this world around me. So, one day I thought to myself, "Colbie, why not write a blog about your life?" I contemplated this thought for a while, and decided to finally just go for it. It may not be the most exciting thing, I mean who really wants to hear my thoughts on life and the world? I'm only a teenager, and in my parents eyes, I have a lot to learn. But what I have learned I thought that I would share with you on this blog. Now I'm rambling, so ya...
How do I end this?
Bye?