Untitled. Like My Mood.

I'm in an odd mood today.
Its kind of a mix between happy and nostalgic with a pinch of mystification. Why I even chose these words to describe my mood I have no idea.

I'm happy because its spring, and because I woke up today. That in itself is a blessing that should not be taken advantage of. I'm happy because I can see God working in my life in so many ways. I'm happy for the gift of music. It's been getting me through my grueling hours of homework. Homework that is still not completed. I can thank stumbleupon for that. I am happy just because.

Now nostalgia. So I was listening to Pandora radio today when this Keith Urban song came on. Not just any Keith Urban song though, but his song entitled, Days Go By. First of all, amazing song, it was the first song he played at his concert that I attended in the eighth grade; yes I still remember. But as soon as the first note of of this song filled my ears, my childhood dance moves came flooding back into my brain like second nature. I flashed back to me and my best friend's air guitar solos, and ridiculous outfits (and when I say ridiculous I mean socks on our hands and bathing suit tops over our shirts ridiculous). We made up a dance to almost every single song on this album along with many classics like good ol' Shania Twain and 1985 by Bowling for Soup. I guess you could say I had a range in my taste of music. (PS I just watched the music video for 1985... talk about memory lane.) All of these songs hold some sort of recollection for me. When a song comes on that I once had some sort of dance moves to, I take a walk, no make that a giant trip, no, a head first dive down the rabbit hole of my childhood. I wish my life was still as simple as making up dance moves with my best friend in front of her huge mirror. On those days we were whoever we wanted to be. We were ballerinas or jazz dancers or school teachers or doctors with no worry in the world.
Kind of like my nephew. While I was home for spring break I had the superb opportunity to watch the little guy, twice! On friday while eating breakfast we were having a jolly good time. When I asked him how his eggs were, he told me they were good but that hot dogs were still his favorite food. He then added one quick statement that I will never forget. It goes a little something like this, "But Bee, I love you more than hotdogs." It took me by surprise, honestly, I didn't know how to respond. You should have seen the sincerity in his eyes, the I-truly-mean-it look on his face that shot straight to my heart. I want this simplicity back in my life. I want a love that can be compared to my favorite food. Now apparently me surpassing hotdogs in love is sort of a big deal, because I guess he could eat hotdogs for every meal. That's a lot of love. And I know it because I know that I would eat sushi for every meal if I could. I love you more than sushi. Ya that rolls off the tongue, almost as much as hotdogs. After we had our lovely breakfast we headed down to the beach for an hour. An hour that went by way too fast. An hour that I will forever treasure. It's crazy to see him so grown up. I can only imagine what he's going to be like in high school. Heart breaker for sure. But that's beside the point. I'm still on the fact of simplicity. At the beach, all it took for him to be happy was a rock. Well, multiple rocks. But there were plenty to go around. I stood there for an hour (got really sun burnt) and just stared at this little boy. I fell back down the rabbit hole of childhood again, and into a world where happiness took the form of a game that required you to jump over the waves as they washed up the shore towards your feet. And the only rule was: you lose if you don't jump all the way over. Again, I miss the simplicity. Life has gotten too caught up in it's self. Day's like these are needed more often.

Now since I had my little tangent, I guess I should tell you why I feel mystified. I guess I'm just baffled about everything that's floating around in my head. How can all of my little good thoughts and bad thoughts, questions for God and apologies to God, praises to God, and my whole homework and test schedule fit in there? All of these and more crammed into my little brain? I just don't understand. I think that's why I can get so distracted lately. I find myself writing down my prayers in class, not my notes. I find myself singing songs instead of studding my flashcards. But somehow, everything works out in the end. I just need to remember that, because I tend to forget sometimes. I also forget to breathe sometimes too. That's always a good thing to remember once in a while. I guess all of this mystification comes from this one question, When did I leave my once simple world, like my nephews, and enter this uncharted land of grownupville? I guess I knew it was coming sooner or later, I mean everyone has to grow up eventually. But I'm still a toys-R-us kid. Just want to set that one straight.


I guess it's not a pinch of mystification, it's more like an ocean sized amount.