Tonight at Awakening, our college church group, the Pastor talked about fear versus faith. Do you comprise to your fears or do you move forward in your faith? One thing that really stuck with me tonight was the concept the more you have, the more you have to lose, which in turn means the more you have to fear.
I have nothing to lose. Think about it. What worldly possession has the right to hold you back from God? No car, no computer, nothing. I'm single, I have no ties to anything. Why not jump head first into what comes my way? Why not make a story for myself, make a name for myself. That's why I'm so excited for next semester. The more and more that I look back on my idea of transferring, the more and more I'm like what the heck was I thinking? I love San Jose. Maybe not when it's freezing but that's besides the point. Tonight I had a really awesome friend pray over me just because she felt like I needed it. Man did I. I've been feeling so anxious lately. I'm just trying to figure things out I guess. So I guess my anxiousness is God saying, "Colbie, s l o w down I'm in control here." Man is it good to hear that from Him. Even if it is through feeling anxious. God understands.
Revelation 2:9 says, "I know your afflictions and your poverty- yet you are rich." Man am I rich, in Holy Spirit that is. I have courage in this situation. I have courage in God. That God knows what he's doing. I may not, but He, He's in control, and He's got a plan, and He's gonna see me through it.
Lately, I've been feeling like I'm on a bipolar teeter-totter. It's a pretty fast, and bumpy teeter-totter that's giving me whiplash. I go through these moments of sheer confidence in the Lord and then these what-the-heck-are-you-doing-to-me-God moments. Tonight, the Pastor also said this: "Jesus said follow me, but He didn't say where He was going." Truth. I have no idea where the heck this journey is taking me. But that's exciting and wonderful. I'm perfectly alright with not knowing. I like surprises. The risk is worth the result.
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