20 Seconds of Courage

Yes, I stole that title from the new movie, We Bought a Zoo. But I had to. It pertains so perfectly to what I want to enlighten you with tonight. In this movie, the dad explains to the son that it takes 20 seconds of courage to change your life. The father's explanation to this reasoning was the fact that it took him 20 seconds to introduce himself to the woman who would one day become his wife. In turn, the son takes this amazing advice and has his own 20 seconds where he tells the girl that he loves, that he in fact, loves her. Say it with me now, AWHHHHHHH.

Ya, so I examined my own life. I came up with so many 20 seconds in my life. I guess you could say that I am pretty courageous. HA. Ya right, I'm afraid of snakes, what's courageous about that?

Well, then, I started to dig a little deeper and ask my self, "Self, what in my life takes courage?" Then it came to mind, sharing my faith. Sharing my faith is something that requires a lot of courage. I mean it shouldn't, I'm passionate about my faith and my love for Jesus, but it's scary to approach some one who is not. Sometimes, people don't really respond the way that you would hope.

So then, I was thinking, you know how the dad was speaking to the son, well I pictured my heavenly father speaking to me. Colbie, just 20 seconds. 20 seconds to change someones life, not just for love, but for unfailing love. For undeserved love. For perfect love. How crazy does 20 seconds sound now? 20 seconds is what it takes to introduce some one, some stranger to love that is incomprehensible.

This winter break I went to San Diego Winter Conference with Cru. It was there that we had a day of faith where we sent messages on facebook to people on our campus to initiate spiritual conversations. It was there that I took many steps of courage, and let God lead the way. Do you know how long it takes to press send? 1 second. So it looks to me like there's 19 seconds left. Looks to me like there's 19 more send buttons to press. Let God give you the courage to press send. See what happens. I promise, God won't let you down. That's just not his style.

Hello my long lost blog.

It's been a while. 3 months actually. I have no excuse for how neglectful that I have been. Maybe I can say that I was busy, or maybe I can say that I had writers block, or maybe I can just say, I forgot I had a blog. Yep, I came out and said it, I forgot about this little gem of mine. But I think I can use the excuse that I have been busy and maybe have had a slight case of writers block. But, I'M BACK! And it feels so good! I'm ready to make a commitment to this blog, once a week. I am going to ATTEMPT to post on this little bad boy once a week. I'm not even sure who reads this anymore, I've been so neglectful anyone who did read this probably thinks that I am rude. But I am not, I promise, just forgetful.

So, let's get started. Shall we?

Within this busy semester, I've learned a lot. A lot about this world, a lot about myself, a lot about love and a lot about God. I feel like all my posts before were all about those topics, but I feel like that is my life and that is what you get to read for-ev-er (Sandlot... anybody?). Or until I forget about this blog again. Which I will not let happen.

So, let me fill you in.

This semester has been full of class (Well duhhhhh). A lot of class. I've been trying to apply myself to all of my lower GE classes, but they're just so boring. SO BORING. But, I payed to go here, so I gotta succeed, or else.

Things that I am learning about this world:
It's big and it's beautiful. I drove through California on my way home for thanksgiving and I thought that was big, but that is just a small percentage of this country, which is a small percentage of this world. Needless to say, I am kinda baffled.

Thing's I am learning about myself:
I am a control freak. I love to sleep. I kind of think too much about other peoples opinions. (Even though I say I don't). I get stressed out, and I get migraines. Those hurt.

Thing's I am learning about love:
Love is this complicatedly simple and beautiful four letter world that people seem to always be seeking. One thing that I have learned about love is that it is simple. It is not something that is give or take, or tit for tat (in my dad's words) but it is something that is simple. It takes work, and it takes courage, but love is totally worth it. Love is honestly the best feeling in the world, and being in love, well that trumps all. I am learning that from two people. Jesus Christ and Ben Thompson. Two people that I love more than anything. Jesus gave everything He had, when He did not need to. Jesus gave love for this hurting world, and was always, and is always giving. Give should really be a synonym for love. Give. Seriously. If you're not giving, it's not love. Love is not meant to be self contained. If it is, then it is not love. Simple as that. How do you show someone love if you keep it wrapped up inside? You don't. That is what Jesus has taught me, but Ben, he is teaching me that too. He is teaching me to be selfless. He may not know it, but he is. I am an only child, and don't really like to share. But with Ben, I would share anything. Even my last piece of chocolate during that time of the month. Yep, I went there.  But really. Ben is teaching me to be myself. He's wonderfully critical and completely honest with me 100% of the time which is very helpful. He speaks his mind, good or bad. But mainly good of course...

Things I am learning about God:
God is great. He is sovereign and He is my majesty. Apart from those things, I've also learned that God likes to challenge you. I started this semester on a high. I had an awesome summer, I got to be with my boyfriend after 3 months, I was/ still am involved in an awesome ministry. God, He was everywhere, but through blessings, not struggles. He still is everywhere, (DUH), but now not just through blessings but through struggles too.  All types of struggles that are an uphill battle, daily. I know I say all types, but I kinda mean just a few. I'm not trying to make my life sound horrible, just hectic and stressful, like it is. Oh, something else that I have noticed, is that it's a lot easier to cling to God and seek God when times are tough. But, it's a lot easier to praise God when life is good. CATCH 22? I think so. (What is a catch 22? I don't even know and I am using it in my blog... cool) Anyways,  I think that is God's little way of saying, "I'm always here, no matter what." Which is kind of really awesome to dwell on, and very reassuring. Oh and one more thing that I've really learned this semester: nothing is impossible with God. This is such a simple promise, but such an amazing one! God, the ruler of the universe, He is always with me, and you, and makes everything possible. Everything.

So basically, that is my life. Summed up in one simple, little blog post. But like I said, I'm going to try to be better about this posting thing. I say once a week, but who knows maybe you'll get 3 one week, and none the next, then one then 8 the next. You never know with me, I'm kind of forgetful like that. But ya that's my story. My hectically beautiful wonderful story.

Until next time,
Colbs 

Sometimes

You just need a little perspective. I feel like I just wrote about perspective a couple posts ago, but I feel like it's something that I lose too often. The perspective I've realized recently is how good I've got it.

So, I go to school and live in San Jose California. Sounds like a random place, and let me tell you, it is. I honestly had never heard of here until I applied here in fall of 2009. But then, I took a tour of the school. The school is right in the middle of down town. It's an awesome campus that is sadly under an extreme amount of construction right now, but that's beside the point. Anyways, I was driving around down town the other day running my petty errands that must get run when I really started to notice the city around me. It's not the cleanest but it sure is pretty. It's beautifully chaotic if you will.

If you start in the middle of campus and head east, you will eventually reach my house. I live in what is known as Naglee Park. Naglee is a quaint little neighborhood that is seriously awesome! If you head north or south of campus you will eventually reach more neighborhoods. These neighbor hoods aren't necessarily the cleanest or safest of downtown. And, if you head west you run into big buildings. The random kinds and the important kinds. I've always wondered who works in those buildings, I guess I'll have to adventure one day and see. But, basically what I am saying is San Jose is full of good and bad, nice and not so nice, and fortunate and not so fortunate. I live in a city that is hurting, and thirsty for love, but doesn't realize it. We have had shootings and stabbings this semester off campus and on campus. I take it for granted how good I have it when I'm cooped up in my house all day. I forget that just 3 blocks away someone is cold out on the street. I take it for granted that I live with 7 other girls-7 other friends- while people all over this city are alone. I guess this post is just me rediscovering  how great I have it compared to other people who live in this city. But hey it's a realization that sometimes, I need to keep making. Because although I may be stressed out about homework or what ever my week has in store for me, I need to realize that I don't have it half bad.

Tonight my friends,

I am going to let you into my world. I'm opening up. So It's been a while since I posted, but do not fear, for I have not forgotten about you. I've just been busy. Beyond busy. I'm taking this moment to procrastinate and share with you, my dear reader, how I learned about love. I wrote this for a contest, in which I won't hear back from until after Christmas. The prompt was something like how did you learn how to love, from who? So here goes nothing:

Love

There are very few things in this world that are as complicated as love. In all honesty, I haven’t found anything that is more inexplicable and more exhilarating than the small four-letter word. The word itself takes on so many different meanings and explanations that, although one may try, it is almost impossible to pinpoint the exact meaning. I have found love in numerous places. There is a love that died for me in the form of a savior, which is unending and undeserved. There is a love that is the unconditional form of parenthood, when two people willingly sacrifice all that they have in order to improve their child’s life and circumstances. And there is love that just happens, it creates a lifetime bond of irreplaceable friendship. All of these have many commonalities: including trust, companionship, and compassion. These types of love are all equally beautiful and difficult. Love takes work, but all of these types of love are worth the effort.

One small instance in particular makes me think of love. I had a hangnail. I’m sure I’ve had hundreds of hangnails since I was three, but this one stands out to me immensely. I can’t tell you what finger it was on or why I made such a fuss about not wanting to cut it off, but I assure you that this hangnail taught me something about love.

When I was a child, I spent every weekday with a babysitter while my parents worked. Her name was Veda and she was a woman with a heart worth its weight in gold. I was taken care of at her house until I was old enough to stay home alone after school. And even then I wasn’t a fan of being alone so I would walk across the street and talk with Veda. She was there for my first word, my first stumble, my first high school dance, and many other firsts. She was in many ways my adopted grandma, and in many more ways, my friend. I was three when she taught me the meaning of love. I was an adventurous three years old, constantly getting into trouble. I often adorned skinned up knees and dirt under my nails as a badge of honor, because they were a regular occurrence. After a long day of play, Veda would end the day with a bath before I was sent across the street to my parents. One day, she noticed that I had a hangnail on one of my fingers. Experience now shows that if you tried to peel it off, you would pull off more skin than you expected. I would have been left bleeding and in pain for longer than necessary because I wanted to pull hangnail off. However Veda stopped me before I could get to it. She told me very soothingly that she would cut it off for me. My first thought: “there is no way a pair of clippers going to cut my skin, I am not alright with that.” I began crying and pleading with her not to cut it off. This is what I remember from that moment. Veda got down to my three-year old height, and looked me in the eyes and said, “I would never do anything in the whole world to hurt you. I love you, and only want what is best for you.” Sure, these are simple words that you expect to hear from a family member like your grandmother, but these words came from a friend. She meant every single word of it too.

Those words were simple. She possibly could have said the same thing many times before. But these words solidified the vague concept of love at a young age. I knew the love of my parents at that time, and discovered their love more as I grew older. Still, Veda’s words have stuck with me, “I would never do anything in the whole world to hurt you. I love you, and only want what is best with you”. I was three years old, but I still knew what she meant. I knew instantly that love wasn’t about flowers and candy on Valentines Day. At that moment love made sense. Love is about wanting the best for someone even though it hurts you to see the one you love crying. Love is about wanting the best for someone, even if that means you have to be the bad guy. Love is about faith and tenderness.

Those words she said to me are shown in every illustration of love. The unearned love of a savior who wants nothing but the best for you, a savior that wouldn’t do anything in the whole wide world to hurt you. The unconditional love of parents. Parents who sacrificed their weekends to tournaments and clarinet lessons. Parents who would do anything in the world to better their daughter’s life. The love of a best friend, the love that is magnificently irreplaceable. Although I may have been three years old, I remember each world Veda said to me clearly. These words have taught me to love fearlessly and carefully and be willing and open to accept love.

So now you have it. How I learned how to love.

Hope you enjoyed!!

I Have a Challenge For You.

A challenge to think eternally, not worldly. A challenge that will make you seem really insignificant compared to the enormous size of our Lord and Savior.

Here's what you have to do.

Look Up. Today, or tomorrow, or who knows maybe next Thursday, but whenever you get around to it, just stop and look up. Stop your small tedious tasks like text messaging or tweeting or changing your song on your iPod, and look at the sky. Look at how big it is. Sure, you may think you look at the sky every day, but have you really looked at it? I do this whenever I am stressed out, so basically whenever I walk to class or work or home from one of those two things. Looking at the sky helps me put everything into perspective. Perspective that I lose sight of due to the complications of this world.

So today, look up. I promise you, you'll feel really insignificant and I promise you, all of your little worries and tasks will seem really petty compared to the glorious wonders of God.

Ten years.

Ten years is a decade. A lot can happen in ten years. I remember ten years ago on this day. I was nine, and I was in the fourth grade. I remember waking up, and seeing the towers fall on television. My mom was scared, my teacher was scared, my principal was scared. I didn't get it. Two towers fell, a couple planes crashed. In a fourth graders mind, it didn't seem like such a big deal. I didn't know what terrorism was, or what the twin towers were for that matter. I had no idea that people could be so cruel because they didn't believe in our freedom. I didn't understand the idea of hatred to that degree. I knew that I hated tomatoes and homework, but not enough to cause hurt to those who loved those things.

As the years have gone by, the pain and fear from that morning have slowly become apart of our everyday lives. I remember that first year, recollecting everyday what happened on that morning, and slowly as I became older, I began to put the pieces together, and that morning slowly began to make more sense to me. It's crazy to me that it was ten years ago. A lot has happened since that day. I have graduated high school, witnessed many national disasters and a war. I have learned more about this world than what I had known at age nine. It's crazy how life moves on after such a big event. It takes time, and courage but it happens. Nothing compares to the patriotism that occurred after the attack. There was a flag in every window, funds being raised to support the troops, food drives, t-shirts, you name it, everything had an American flag.

Ten years goes fast. We move on, but never forget. So on this day, don't forget. Don't let life get in the way. Take a moment to dwell on the fact that we are free, that we are blessed enough to live in a nation were we can do what we want. Take a moment today to thank God for the hero's that sacrificed their lives so that others may live. Take a moment to pray for the families whose lives were directly effected by the attacks. Take a moment. When was the last time you did that in these past ten years? September 11th isn't just a day anymore. It hasn't been for the past ten years. It's a day to remember. So today, do just that.

Crazy Love

It’s been a while but I’m just going to jump into it today. I have been reading this book called Crazy Love by Francis Chan, an intelligent and challenging man on a mission for God. This book is truly awesome and inspiring but sometimes I just can’t seem to pick it up. Honestly, I don’t know why. I’ve been reading it since the middle of summer, and usually it takes me a few days to finish a book of this size, and of this importance, but some of the thoughts are so profound, they need some dwelling upon. One thought in particular comes from page 94 of this little red book. Chan begins by asking, “What does God mean by love?” Then uses 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, 13.

   

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends… faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

What Chan said in the book was that he was challenged to replace his name with the word love. So I was like hmm, I wanna do that too. So I did and it sounded like this:
    “Colbie is patient and kind; Colbie does not envy or boast; she is not arrogant or rude.”

And so on… but seriously try it, replace love for your name. It doesn't sound right does it? Chan says, “by the end, don’t you feel like a liar? If I am meant to represent what love is, then I often fail to love people well.”

I’m pretty sure the only word that fits in place of love is God. Try it again with God in place of love. Sounds a lot better, huh? So this is my challenge to myself, and anyone who reads these posts. Try to live like that verse, like God does. Challenge yourself to be patient, and kind, and not irritable or resentful. Challenge yourself, to live more like God. I’m done being content with my spiritual well being, I’m ready to be radical, because I have a radical God with some sort of crazy love for me.

Oops

I've been so busy this last month of summer. It's been a whirl wind, but I'm back in San Jose! I have so much to say but no time to say right now. This summer has been so blessed and I am so excited for whats coming up! Crusade events, classes, friends, and fall. I love this place during the fall its not like home where I still wear shorts, nooo its jeans and scarves weather... OH YA! Anyways, it's going to be a great year I got that feeling. I know this is terrible, but that's all I'm going to write for now. I'll be back, and I'll be better about this posting thing.

It's been a while

A very long while. I'm so sorry I'm such a failure. This summer has been crazy busy and I am finally in my last week of summer school. It only seems right that I post on my blog instead of write my final discussion board, take my finals or finish (actually start first) my essay. Oh well it will all get done. Besides the more pressure I have to finish the better it will get done because I will have no other option but to finish it. For some reason I am completely unmotivated right now. I even had a second cup of coffee to get my creative juices flowing and so far I've only written the first sentence. Maybe I'll call it a day.

Well lets take a look at my summer.
I have completed (almost) 8 weeks of 3 classes.
I have picked up a softball again after a year off. That has been interesting.
I am baking, but honestly since my last baking post I haven't picked up my mixer :(
I spent a week as a leader for preschoolers at VBS Pandamania. Talk about mania, think 15 preschoolers in one room. Oh ya.
I spent an AMAZING weekend with Ben in southern California. We went to the beach and bagel shack and an angels game/ Dierks Bentley concert and the beach again with his awesome family.
I've been to some car shows. Y,es I am a girl and yes, I go to car shows.
I have created the ultimate summer play list.
I am going to Maui in less than two weeks. Thats cool.

Ya that's just some of my summer. Its been real. Real busy. And real blessed.

I move back to school in exactly 30 days. So here's to my final month in southern California. Well 10 days will take place in Maui, so I guess I have 20 days left at home. Hmm that's kind of intimidating. Lots to do, lots to take in, and not a lot of time. I am thankful for all this time I have had at home though, and I can't wait to get back to school to begin this semester. I know big things will happen because it will happen with God in control. I've learned I need to let go and let God. And this semester that's precisely what I will do. He's in control, He's got the reigns. I can't wait to see where He will lead.

Spotted: God

So, this doesn't usually happen but today you have the pleasure of reading two posts by me.

Today I had a God sighting. Basically I had another one of my realizations of how truly blessed I really am. So here's the situation. I was eating out with my mom and dad and having a great time just chatting away. Then I brought up how I was researching cars and what not. Then a little boy and his grandpa walked into the patio area. The grandpa then warned the boy there was a step and kept leading him through the dining area. The boy was blind. He was asking about his surroundings and talking to his grandpa and trying to understand the restaurant he was in. Here I am worried about getting a car and this kid will never drive. I almost started crying. Even my parents almost started crying. Not tears of sadness as much as tears of realization. Tears of wow-I'm-truly-blessed. Being blind is that kids everyday reality. He has to understand his surroundings with out ever even knowing what objects truly looks like. It's just a crazy thought. It made me take a step back and look at everything in my life. Not sound  Compared to so many people I have it good. But then I started thinking, God made that little boy blind for a reason. Maybe being blind isn't to the benefit of the boy as much as for the people around him. I know God had that little boy walk past me for a reason tonight. As for mine and my families blessing shock, I'm sure a lot of the people in the restaurant felt the same way.

So that's my second post of the day. Just another one of them moments when you gotta take a step back and look at your life and the world around you, take a deep breath, and say thank you to the big man up above.

xoxo

I'm at it again

Remember when I said that I've been baking and cooking a lot this summer? Well I thought I would try something out today and what do you know... It turned out amazing.

Introducing the banana/chocolate/peanut butter chip cookie. Yes I went there. Umm its kind of like the love child of banana bread and chocolate chip cookies. It's that good.
Best. Invention. Ever. So I think I'll share the wealth with you and pass along the recipe.

Banana Chocolate/ Peanut Butter Cookies:

Ingredients:
2 ripe banana's smashed
1 bag of nestle peanut butter & milk chocolate morsels (1 bag- 2 flavors)
& everything on the back of the bag of morsels.

It tells you what to do except minus the banana part. So when it comes to the bananas add them before you add the flour and make sure the chunks are gone so that you don't get chunks of banana in your cookies. The dough was more like muffin batter but I baked them as cookies and they turned out like flat muffin cookies. delicious.

I guess I need to go on another run now considering I am going to be eating an extreme amount of these babys.

xoxo

what a realization

It's crazy to think how much your perspective can change once you are removed from a certain situation. Once you battled through it, or once you have taken a step back and embraced it. Your perspective changes, heck, your life changes. Take for example my dad. He was having a very hard time accepting that he had cancer. It was really hard for him, and his family of course. But he battled it and kicked cancer's butt and now its amazing how much different his perspective on everything is. He was a total bear to be around when he was diagnosed. Of course anyone would be that's kind of a scary thing to deal with! but now the tables have turned and he is the one that people seek for advice, or he is the one who seeks people to give them his advice. It's cool to see how God can use him and his scary experience now to help out a friend who is in a situation he was in just months ago. It's awesome!

Yet another example of this perspective changing experience is this whole distance thing with Ben. This past week I've had some anxiety and just sadness about being so far away and not being able to see him for another month, but then I started praying. I was just chit-chatting with God when all of the sudden this thought came to my mind: worrying about anything is not going to glorify Him, having anxiety is not going to glorify Him. I know I've come to this realization a lot, but God has put me in this situation for a reason and I need to embrace that. I need to use this time for Him, and fight the good fight for Him, and get to the other side of this battle to see why God has put us through this.

That's the thing. There is a reason for everything that God does. So here is my new trick, you should try it too if you're stressin or having a bad day. Take a step back from everything and count every blessing in your life. Trust me, your anxiety will melt away, every little thing on your mind has no comparison to God's glory! It changes your perspective, it changes your life. So this post sounds kind of like an adverstisment now, but trust me this little trick is very useful!!

baked goods

I've missed having a kitchen obviously. I have a feeling that this summer is going to be full of cooking and baking. This week I've ventured into the baking world twice! and I've started from scratch both times!! Monday I made snicker doodle muffins. They were pretty good, Ben will vouch for me. Then today I was bored and feeling blue so I made... Oatmeal, Chocolate Chip, Coconut Cookies. Umm Ya I did. They were ridiculous but I made too many so I've been trying to get rid of them and give them to people, and of course I've been sneaking one every now and then. Oh and my dinner tonight. Pseudo chicken Parmesan with risotto and a miso caesar salad.

I am so glad I am going to have a kitchen in my house next year, I am going to be one happy cook!

I'm so bad

at keeping up with this blog lately. I guess I just don't have any profound thoughts and because I think my life is kinda too boring to share with you. So if you're in need of being bored right now, please feel free to continue reading.

I guess I'll write about my summer so far then. It's not to exciting just being a normal teenage girl I guess. Hanging out with my family and doing some summer school. Also playing some slow pitch softball which is really fun! I still gots skill which is weird considering I haven't played in a year! But ya so summer. I have a temporary job at a local flower shop starting thursday. It's SC's prom so I get to make lots of fun corsages and bouts! I can't wait for that! Other wise I'm still job hunting, and of course seeking the Lord always. It's been nice to have some downtime to just enjoy what God has given me and thank Him for my blessings. Home is a good reminder of these blessings.

But Ya. Hope everyone is having a wonderful summer and that you continue to do so!

xoxo

Summer Time, Feelin Fine

Yes, it is finally summer. The sun is out, its warm, oh wait and I'm home. Summer has so far started fantastically! It's so nice to be home and sleeping in my own bed. I never knew how much I'd miss home until I left. I made my mom cry the other day because I asked her if I could eat the food that is in our fridge. Cry. I know I'm a terrible daughter, but I'm just not used to being home, and for 3 months time!! Crazy talk. After tonight I will have about 39 days until I see Ben again. That's a long time but, it's not too bad. That's the only down side to summer. But, there's always something in the bible that pertains to every situation, good or bad. And I just so happened to receive this said verse in a text message today:

"For the eyes of the Lord range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him." 2 Chronicles 16:9

Yep, I'd say that pretty much sums it up. So bring it on 39 days. Cause guess what, God, that guy who controls the universe, He's on our side.

xoxo

I feel so free

I love the rush.

When I'm with you my fears melt away. My worries disappear. All I see is you.

Hi, My Name Is Colbie

I know, you're probably like, "Woah you blog here?" Yes, I do. It's been a while, a long while, well about 10 days, but to me that's a long while. In those 10 days I had 5 finals, and a 10 page paper due. And if you're all wondering, which I'm sure you are, I rocked those finals and that paper. I can now say I am a sophomore in college. Well kinda, I still have to go to a class on Wednesday but after that I am a sophomore. This freshman year in college has been LIFE CHANGING. AMAZING. INDESCRIBABLE. Yes it was necessary to caps lock those words, because in my head that is how I hear them. Have you ever noticed that when someone, or your self caps locks a word or phrase you actually yell it in your head. Oh wait, maybe that's just me. Cool.

But about those caps locked words up there, that basically sums up these past 9 months. I've found my place, where I am supposed to be for the time being. Sure that might change, but for these next 3 years, possibly 5 with grad school San Jose is my home. Home is where the heart is right? So if I take it literally home is definitely in San Jose, because my heart is in my body and my body is in San Jose. I'm sure you made the connection but I just thought I would clarify that. Anyways, I am happy here in SJ. It's been a journey, a crazy journey to say the least, but I have loved every minute of it. I may not have at some times, but I made it through and I can now look back and say, "Ahh I get it now." 

It's weird. I'm not really sure what to do with myself now that I don't have finals or homework any more. Oh wait summer school starts on MONDAY. I'm technically still in spring school and now summer school too. Oh man. So although the weather may scream summer is here, my schedule does not. Not until July 17. But July is going to be here before I know it. I hope. I have a long summer ahead of me. Don't get me wrong I'm just as excited for summer as the next person, but I have to spend 3 months away from my man. That's a TOTAL bummer. But we're both going to be busy and we get to see each other twice so that's gonna be awesome. Ya I said twice. That's significantly less than the amount of time we see each other now but we'll manage. We, are tough.

Next semester I'm moving off campus with some amazing ladies, and I am SO excited. It's going to be an awesome experience and I can't wait to decorate my room! So lame but I am truly looking forward to it. And having a kitchen. I can't wait for that. So long DC it's been real but it's time for some major menu changes. So if you have any healthy recipes, send them my way! I'm excited to see what God has in store for me with this house and with these ladies. It is going to be a great learning and growing experience.

I am truly blessed. And on that note you now know what's been going on, and what is to come in my life. I've been negligent of this poor blog, so I PROMISE to be better about this. Yep I caps locked it, which means I am screaming in my head to remind myself to be better about this. I caps locked a lot of things in this post. You must think I'm crazy, and I'm kinda beginning to think I might be.

So on that note. Catch ya on the flip side.

I'm astounded.

I'm baffled even. I'm at a complete and total loss for words. Literally. I have run out of thoughts to blog about. I think I can rightfully attribute that to my brain and its degree of friedness. Yes, I said friedness, yes, I made friedness up. Finals, and studying for finals and paper writing. Lots of paper writing. It's all draining me of my capability to write substantially. Instead I'm writing to you about my incapability to write. Awesome. I'm sure this is enjoyable to read.
For me summer will be here in exactly one week, minus the fact that I have to stay up here for my last class 5 days later where I will be doing NOTHING. But hey I'm gonna make the most of it. Besides, I have a lot of packing to do. I'm not sure how I'm going to do this. I've somehow managed to accumulate an extreme amount of clothing since being here, along with an extreme amount of everything else I'm not sure I can fit into all the bags I have. I can't believe my first year of college is almost over. Just like that. Done. It went by so fast!! It's so weird to think about! If every year of my college career is going to be like this its going to go by a lot faster than I thought it was going to. Oh man.

Destination: Unknown

I'm on an incredible journey. A journey with an unknown destination. A year ago I would have told you that my destination was to graduate college and start a life. But, that life, it's already been started. One year ago to the date was my baptism. And since that faithful day that I proclaimed my faith to the world, my life has taken a dramatic turn.

I'm not fearful of what is to come or nervous about my future. I have faith in God that He's got plans for me. I have desires on my heart, and some of them are completely opposite of what I would have said a year ago. I have a longing for things that even a year ago were such far fetched concepts for me. I want to change the world, I want to change lives. I always knew that I wanted to change lives, but I didn't know how. Sure my career will do so, but I want a greater impact. With God, I know how to change lives. All which have stemmed from the changing of my own life. From laying my own life down and realizing that this magnificently wonderful journey I'm on, I am not in control of. I'm living out God's will, not mine and that is what makes this journey so spectacular. I have a lot heading my way, a lot to conquer. Many more semesters of school, and smiles to be had. If one year has made such an impact on my life and dramatically transformed it for the better, think about two years, five years, ten years. This journey that I'm on, it is a life long journey. I know that it's a life long journey of happiness, and struggle, confusion and understanding, but it's a life long journey of Love. When you stop living for yourself, and start living for Him, things change, for the better. I'm on a journey with God and because of God, I'm on a journey with a destination I'm not sure I'll ever reach. It's a continuous, and life long journey.  

My Process of Thought.

Last night we had an impromptu worship session at the Crusade House. It was awesome. Lately I've been so busy with school and work and papers and what not that I haven't had time to really just sit and sing and talk to God. As I was worshiping I just started smiling. I couldn't help it. I am so blessed and so grateful. I can truly see God working in my life and I love it. Sometimes it's hard to pray to God and worship God when you're so happy and everything is going your way. You don't need to ask him for anything and you don't need to comprehend anything so what's the point? If you think about it it's a lot easier to pray to God when you need Him and when you need to hear from Him. But when things are going your way, this is when you need to be near to God the most. This is when you need to thank Him and praise Him the most and be close to Him the most. It's in these times that you can really appreciate the battle and the struggle that it took to get to where you are. I have a lot of reasons to smile, and I have one awesome God to thank for that.


Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.
Matthew 22:37

This is my new favorite verse. There is something about it. At least for me, I take it as Love God no matter what, with all you have. Whether you are happy, sad, confused, or whatever, Love God, because He is the reason for your happiness, the reason for your sadness, confusion, and whatever other feeling you have. If you are happy, Love God and thank Him. If you are sad, cling to God and seek him and his reasoning. If you are confused, ask God why. Love God for He is the one in control of your life and He is the one with all of the answers. Yep, that's what I get from this verse. Who knew one verse could spree a whole thought process from me.  

I have a random thought process. Ask anyone who knows me and they'll tell you, this is in fact a true statement. So many people just give me this baffled look. It's easier for me to explain why I say something and how I came to my thought. I can't help it I just have a random brain. I can thank God for that. As you can see just in this post my thought process is everywhere. I started with worship, then my smiling which all led up to my favorite verse and what I get from it, and now I'm on a tangent about my thought process. This is what I have to deal with on a daily basis.