20 Seconds of Courage

Yes, I stole that title from the new movie, We Bought a Zoo. But I had to. It pertains so perfectly to what I want to enlighten you with tonight. In this movie, the dad explains to the son that it takes 20 seconds of courage to change your life. The father's explanation to this reasoning was the fact that it took him 20 seconds to introduce himself to the woman who would one day become his wife. In turn, the son takes this amazing advice and has his own 20 seconds where he tells the girl that he loves, that he in fact, loves her. Say it with me now, AWHHHHHHH.

Ya, so I examined my own life. I came up with so many 20 seconds in my life. I guess you could say that I am pretty courageous. HA. Ya right, I'm afraid of snakes, what's courageous about that?

Well, then, I started to dig a little deeper and ask my self, "Self, what in my life takes courage?" Then it came to mind, sharing my faith. Sharing my faith is something that requires a lot of courage. I mean it shouldn't, I'm passionate about my faith and my love for Jesus, but it's scary to approach some one who is not. Sometimes, people don't really respond the way that you would hope.

So then, I was thinking, you know how the dad was speaking to the son, well I pictured my heavenly father speaking to me. Colbie, just 20 seconds. 20 seconds to change someones life, not just for love, but for unfailing love. For undeserved love. For perfect love. How crazy does 20 seconds sound now? 20 seconds is what it takes to introduce some one, some stranger to love that is incomprehensible.

This winter break I went to San Diego Winter Conference with Cru. It was there that we had a day of faith where we sent messages on facebook to people on our campus to initiate spiritual conversations. It was there that I took many steps of courage, and let God lead the way. Do you know how long it takes to press send? 1 second. So it looks to me like there's 19 seconds left. Looks to me like there's 19 more send buttons to press. Let God give you the courage to press send. See what happens. I promise, God won't let you down. That's just not his style.

Hello my long lost blog.

It's been a while. 3 months actually. I have no excuse for how neglectful that I have been. Maybe I can say that I was busy, or maybe I can say that I had writers block, or maybe I can just say, I forgot I had a blog. Yep, I came out and said it, I forgot about this little gem of mine. But I think I can use the excuse that I have been busy and maybe have had a slight case of writers block. But, I'M BACK! And it feels so good! I'm ready to make a commitment to this blog, once a week. I am going to ATTEMPT to post on this little bad boy once a week. I'm not even sure who reads this anymore, I've been so neglectful anyone who did read this probably thinks that I am rude. But I am not, I promise, just forgetful.

So, let's get started. Shall we?

Within this busy semester, I've learned a lot. A lot about this world, a lot about myself, a lot about love and a lot about God. I feel like all my posts before were all about those topics, but I feel like that is my life and that is what you get to read for-ev-er (Sandlot... anybody?). Or until I forget about this blog again. Which I will not let happen.

So, let me fill you in.

This semester has been full of class (Well duhhhhh). A lot of class. I've been trying to apply myself to all of my lower GE classes, but they're just so boring. SO BORING. But, I payed to go here, so I gotta succeed, or else.

Things that I am learning about this world:
It's big and it's beautiful. I drove through California on my way home for thanksgiving and I thought that was big, but that is just a small percentage of this country, which is a small percentage of this world. Needless to say, I am kinda baffled.

Thing's I am learning about myself:
I am a control freak. I love to sleep. I kind of think too much about other peoples opinions. (Even though I say I don't). I get stressed out, and I get migraines. Those hurt.

Thing's I am learning about love:
Love is this complicatedly simple and beautiful four letter world that people seem to always be seeking. One thing that I have learned about love is that it is simple. It is not something that is give or take, or tit for tat (in my dad's words) but it is something that is simple. It takes work, and it takes courage, but love is totally worth it. Love is honestly the best feeling in the world, and being in love, well that trumps all. I am learning that from two people. Jesus Christ and Ben Thompson. Two people that I love more than anything. Jesus gave everything He had, when He did not need to. Jesus gave love for this hurting world, and was always, and is always giving. Give should really be a synonym for love. Give. Seriously. If you're not giving, it's not love. Love is not meant to be self contained. If it is, then it is not love. Simple as that. How do you show someone love if you keep it wrapped up inside? You don't. That is what Jesus has taught me, but Ben, he is teaching me that too. He is teaching me to be selfless. He may not know it, but he is. I am an only child, and don't really like to share. But with Ben, I would share anything. Even my last piece of chocolate during that time of the month. Yep, I went there.  But really. Ben is teaching me to be myself. He's wonderfully critical and completely honest with me 100% of the time which is very helpful. He speaks his mind, good or bad. But mainly good of course...

Things I am learning about God:
God is great. He is sovereign and He is my majesty. Apart from those things, I've also learned that God likes to challenge you. I started this semester on a high. I had an awesome summer, I got to be with my boyfriend after 3 months, I was/ still am involved in an awesome ministry. God, He was everywhere, but through blessings, not struggles. He still is everywhere, (DUH), but now not just through blessings but through struggles too.  All types of struggles that are an uphill battle, daily. I know I say all types, but I kinda mean just a few. I'm not trying to make my life sound horrible, just hectic and stressful, like it is. Oh, something else that I have noticed, is that it's a lot easier to cling to God and seek God when times are tough. But, it's a lot easier to praise God when life is good. CATCH 22? I think so. (What is a catch 22? I don't even know and I am using it in my blog... cool) Anyways,  I think that is God's little way of saying, "I'm always here, no matter what." Which is kind of really awesome to dwell on, and very reassuring. Oh and one more thing that I've really learned this semester: nothing is impossible with God. This is such a simple promise, but such an amazing one! God, the ruler of the universe, He is always with me, and you, and makes everything possible. Everything.

So basically, that is my life. Summed up in one simple, little blog post. But like I said, I'm going to try to be better about this posting thing. I say once a week, but who knows maybe you'll get 3 one week, and none the next, then one then 8 the next. You never know with me, I'm kind of forgetful like that. But ya that's my story. My hectically beautiful wonderful story.

Until next time,
Colbs 

Sometimes

You just need a little perspective. I feel like I just wrote about perspective a couple posts ago, but I feel like it's something that I lose too often. The perspective I've realized recently is how good I've got it.

So, I go to school and live in San Jose California. Sounds like a random place, and let me tell you, it is. I honestly had never heard of here until I applied here in fall of 2009. But then, I took a tour of the school. The school is right in the middle of down town. It's an awesome campus that is sadly under an extreme amount of construction right now, but that's beside the point. Anyways, I was driving around down town the other day running my petty errands that must get run when I really started to notice the city around me. It's not the cleanest but it sure is pretty. It's beautifully chaotic if you will.

If you start in the middle of campus and head east, you will eventually reach my house. I live in what is known as Naglee Park. Naglee is a quaint little neighborhood that is seriously awesome! If you head north or south of campus you will eventually reach more neighborhoods. These neighbor hoods aren't necessarily the cleanest or safest of downtown. And, if you head west you run into big buildings. The random kinds and the important kinds. I've always wondered who works in those buildings, I guess I'll have to adventure one day and see. But, basically what I am saying is San Jose is full of good and bad, nice and not so nice, and fortunate and not so fortunate. I live in a city that is hurting, and thirsty for love, but doesn't realize it. We have had shootings and stabbings this semester off campus and on campus. I take it for granted how good I have it when I'm cooped up in my house all day. I forget that just 3 blocks away someone is cold out on the street. I take it for granted that I live with 7 other girls-7 other friends- while people all over this city are alone. I guess this post is just me rediscovering  how great I have it compared to other people who live in this city. But hey it's a realization that sometimes, I need to keep making. Because although I may be stressed out about homework or what ever my week has in store for me, I need to realize that I don't have it half bad.

Tonight my friends,

I am going to let you into my world. I'm opening up. So It's been a while since I posted, but do not fear, for I have not forgotten about you. I've just been busy. Beyond busy. I'm taking this moment to procrastinate and share with you, my dear reader, how I learned about love. I wrote this for a contest, in which I won't hear back from until after Christmas. The prompt was something like how did you learn how to love, from who? So here goes nothing:

Love

There are very few things in this world that are as complicated as love. In all honesty, I haven’t found anything that is more inexplicable and more exhilarating than the small four-letter word. The word itself takes on so many different meanings and explanations that, although one may try, it is almost impossible to pinpoint the exact meaning. I have found love in numerous places. There is a love that died for me in the form of a savior, which is unending and undeserved. There is a love that is the unconditional form of parenthood, when two people willingly sacrifice all that they have in order to improve their child’s life and circumstances. And there is love that just happens, it creates a lifetime bond of irreplaceable friendship. All of these have many commonalities: including trust, companionship, and compassion. These types of love are all equally beautiful and difficult. Love takes work, but all of these types of love are worth the effort.

One small instance in particular makes me think of love. I had a hangnail. I’m sure I’ve had hundreds of hangnails since I was three, but this one stands out to me immensely. I can’t tell you what finger it was on or why I made such a fuss about not wanting to cut it off, but I assure you that this hangnail taught me something about love.

When I was a child, I spent every weekday with a babysitter while my parents worked. Her name was Veda and she was a woman with a heart worth its weight in gold. I was taken care of at her house until I was old enough to stay home alone after school. And even then I wasn’t a fan of being alone so I would walk across the street and talk with Veda. She was there for my first word, my first stumble, my first high school dance, and many other firsts. She was in many ways my adopted grandma, and in many more ways, my friend. I was three when she taught me the meaning of love. I was an adventurous three years old, constantly getting into trouble. I often adorned skinned up knees and dirt under my nails as a badge of honor, because they were a regular occurrence. After a long day of play, Veda would end the day with a bath before I was sent across the street to my parents. One day, she noticed that I had a hangnail on one of my fingers. Experience now shows that if you tried to peel it off, you would pull off more skin than you expected. I would have been left bleeding and in pain for longer than necessary because I wanted to pull hangnail off. However Veda stopped me before I could get to it. She told me very soothingly that she would cut it off for me. My first thought: “there is no way a pair of clippers going to cut my skin, I am not alright with that.” I began crying and pleading with her not to cut it off. This is what I remember from that moment. Veda got down to my three-year old height, and looked me in the eyes and said, “I would never do anything in the whole world to hurt you. I love you, and only want what is best for you.” Sure, these are simple words that you expect to hear from a family member like your grandmother, but these words came from a friend. She meant every single word of it too.

Those words were simple. She possibly could have said the same thing many times before. But these words solidified the vague concept of love at a young age. I knew the love of my parents at that time, and discovered their love more as I grew older. Still, Veda’s words have stuck with me, “I would never do anything in the whole world to hurt you. I love you, and only want what is best with you”. I was three years old, but I still knew what she meant. I knew instantly that love wasn’t about flowers and candy on Valentines Day. At that moment love made sense. Love is about wanting the best for someone even though it hurts you to see the one you love crying. Love is about wanting the best for someone, even if that means you have to be the bad guy. Love is about faith and tenderness.

Those words she said to me are shown in every illustration of love. The unearned love of a savior who wants nothing but the best for you, a savior that wouldn’t do anything in the whole wide world to hurt you. The unconditional love of parents. Parents who sacrificed their weekends to tournaments and clarinet lessons. Parents who would do anything in the world to better their daughter’s life. The love of a best friend, the love that is magnificently irreplaceable. Although I may have been three years old, I remember each world Veda said to me clearly. These words have taught me to love fearlessly and carefully and be willing and open to accept love.

So now you have it. How I learned how to love.

Hope you enjoyed!!

I Have a Challenge For You.

A challenge to think eternally, not worldly. A challenge that will make you seem really insignificant compared to the enormous size of our Lord and Savior.

Here's what you have to do.

Look Up. Today, or tomorrow, or who knows maybe next Thursday, but whenever you get around to it, just stop and look up. Stop your small tedious tasks like text messaging or tweeting or changing your song on your iPod, and look at the sky. Look at how big it is. Sure, you may think you look at the sky every day, but have you really looked at it? I do this whenever I am stressed out, so basically whenever I walk to class or work or home from one of those two things. Looking at the sky helps me put everything into perspective. Perspective that I lose sight of due to the complications of this world.

So today, look up. I promise you, you'll feel really insignificant and I promise you, all of your little worries and tasks will seem really petty compared to the glorious wonders of God.

Ten years.

Ten years is a decade. A lot can happen in ten years. I remember ten years ago on this day. I was nine, and I was in the fourth grade. I remember waking up, and seeing the towers fall on television. My mom was scared, my teacher was scared, my principal was scared. I didn't get it. Two towers fell, a couple planes crashed. In a fourth graders mind, it didn't seem like such a big deal. I didn't know what terrorism was, or what the twin towers were for that matter. I had no idea that people could be so cruel because they didn't believe in our freedom. I didn't understand the idea of hatred to that degree. I knew that I hated tomatoes and homework, but not enough to cause hurt to those who loved those things.

As the years have gone by, the pain and fear from that morning have slowly become apart of our everyday lives. I remember that first year, recollecting everyday what happened on that morning, and slowly as I became older, I began to put the pieces together, and that morning slowly began to make more sense to me. It's crazy to me that it was ten years ago. A lot has happened since that day. I have graduated high school, witnessed many national disasters and a war. I have learned more about this world than what I had known at age nine. It's crazy how life moves on after such a big event. It takes time, and courage but it happens. Nothing compares to the patriotism that occurred after the attack. There was a flag in every window, funds being raised to support the troops, food drives, t-shirts, you name it, everything had an American flag.

Ten years goes fast. We move on, but never forget. So on this day, don't forget. Don't let life get in the way. Take a moment to dwell on the fact that we are free, that we are blessed enough to live in a nation were we can do what we want. Take a moment today to thank God for the hero's that sacrificed their lives so that others may live. Take a moment to pray for the families whose lives were directly effected by the attacks. Take a moment. When was the last time you did that in these past ten years? September 11th isn't just a day anymore. It hasn't been for the past ten years. It's a day to remember. So today, do just that.

Crazy Love

It’s been a while but I’m just going to jump into it today. I have been reading this book called Crazy Love by Francis Chan, an intelligent and challenging man on a mission for God. This book is truly awesome and inspiring but sometimes I just can’t seem to pick it up. Honestly, I don’t know why. I’ve been reading it since the middle of summer, and usually it takes me a few days to finish a book of this size, and of this importance, but some of the thoughts are so profound, they need some dwelling upon. One thought in particular comes from page 94 of this little red book. Chan begins by asking, “What does God mean by love?” Then uses 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, 13.

   

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends… faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

What Chan said in the book was that he was challenged to replace his name with the word love. So I was like hmm, I wanna do that too. So I did and it sounded like this:
    “Colbie is patient and kind; Colbie does not envy or boast; she is not arrogant or rude.”

And so on… but seriously try it, replace love for your name. It doesn't sound right does it? Chan says, “by the end, don’t you feel like a liar? If I am meant to represent what love is, then I often fail to love people well.”

I’m pretty sure the only word that fits in place of love is God. Try it again with God in place of love. Sounds a lot better, huh? So this is my challenge to myself, and anyone who reads these posts. Try to live like that verse, like God does. Challenge yourself to be patient, and kind, and not irritable or resentful. Challenge yourself, to live more like God. I’m done being content with my spiritual well being, I’m ready to be radical, because I have a radical God with some sort of crazy love for me.